unusual territory

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
unusual territory
4
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 12:22am
Well until now I have prided myself on being single and having fun going out every weekend. And, meeting a new guy and/or having the freedom to do so has always made it hard for me to settle down with a guy for longer than a couple of months (3 being the most). About a month ago, I met a guy who I have had so much fun with and have been dating and hanging out with him every weekend (nonstop) and even during the week, or at least talking on the phone with him. Surprisingly, I have not gotten bored or too freaked out yet. But I am so confused as what I am supposed to do or not supposed to do (like should I give him more space or how do i know if he is ok with spending this much time together?). But when we are hanging out, he doesn't want me to leave, and I don't want to either. But I hear that spending this much time together at first is bad.

And I get very insecure, and constantly feel that maybe I should end it just so that I don't get hurt, which is what I have done many times in the past. And he tells me so many sweet things all the time, and I love it oddly enough. So what should I do? Just go with it? And one of the reasons we get a long so well is that we have never really liked committment before, but I know that neither one of us has ever been able to spend this much time with a dating partner, and not run away. And, the other day we had been out and he got kinda drunk, and started telling me a lot of mushy stuff like: I think I could fall in love with you but I am soo scared, etc. Should I even believe any of it? Sorry so many questions, I would love any advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 4:36am

Should you just go with it? Yep!


Enjoy it instead of overanalyzing it. For example:


"But I am so confused as what I am supposed to do or not supposed to do (like should I give him more space or how do i know if he is ok with spending this much time together?). But when we are hanging out, he doesn't want me to leave, and I don't want to either. But I hear that spending this much time together at first is bad. "


You hear that spending too much time together is bad... who said that? They said that... Who is they? Anybody other than you... My point here is that it is up to the two of you to determine how much time you are willing to spend with each other - it's whatever you are comfortable with - it's not what "they" say - it's not "their" relationship.


Enjoy it, have fun with it and just relax and let it happen.


"And I get very insecure, and constantly feel that maybe I should end it just so that I don't get hurt, which is what I have done many times in the past. "


Tell me, did it hurt any less to end a relationship that could have been a good one? We all get hurt sometime or another during our lives. Getting hurt is a normalcy but it is what you learn from it and how you respond to it that is important. Life's lessons...


Yep, go with it - you may just be glad that you did! Anything worth having in this life is worth taking a risk for you know...


tg

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 12:55pm
But what about what he says when he is drunk? Should I even believe any of it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 1:15pm

Usually, when a person has been drinking they tend to lose their inhibitions. What I would suggest is that you watch his actions toward you more than listening to his words. Now, if the words and actions are the same then you really have nothing to worry about. But, if he says mushy stuff but his actions (when he hasn't been drinking) say otherwise, then you have a problem...


Take them with a grain of salt. (and a lime, if you are drinking tequila...)


Just watch as well as listen - if his behavior matches his words you can be fairly well assured that he means what he says.


tg

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 2:18pm
i think you will be fine. jsut take your time


Edited 2/17/2004 2:20:09 PM ET by jessicaandryan