Should I be friends with my ex???
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Should I be friends with my ex???
| Tue, 02-17-2004 - 8:37pm |
So here's the situation, me and my ex had a pretty bad break up after almost 2 yrs together. Soon after he broke up with me about 5 1/2 months ago, he started dating someone whom I considered like a cousin to me, who I introduced. It was pretty bad and I felt awful and sobbed for numerous days in pain. They knew how i felt and went with it anyway. Well he and I started getting back in touch about 2 months later and we talk all the time and get together once in a while. I never felt satisfied with how she moved in on my bf, so I figured I could make him realize what he lost, and make her feel the pain somehow. (i wanted to make sure they didn't last)
The problem is, it worked! He says he realized he made a huge mistake and misses me so much and that no one has and ever will compare to me. I miss him too but don't feel he deserves another chance with me after he dated my cousin. I do enjoy talking to him, because we still get along so well and have an amazing connection with each other, but i'm really confused on if he even deserves to be my friend. Do you think it's understandable that i would still want to be his friend after what he did? and i don't know how my friends and family would feel about it considering they feel what he did was wrong also. What should i do in this situation, he says he wants to make everything that he made wrong right...but it might be too late and no matter how much i still love him and want him back, i don't think it would be the right thing to do, should i just be his friend or would that fail anyway?
The problem is, it worked! He says he realized he made a huge mistake and misses me so much and that no one has and ever will compare to me. I miss him too but don't feel he deserves another chance with me after he dated my cousin. I do enjoy talking to him, because we still get along so well and have an amazing connection with each other, but i'm really confused on if he even deserves to be my friend. Do you think it's understandable that i would still want to be his friend after what he did? and i don't know how my friends and family would feel about it considering they feel what he did was wrong also. What should i do in this situation, he says he wants to make everything that he made wrong right...but it might be too late and no matter how much i still love him and want him back, i don't think it would be the right thing to do, should i just be his friend or would that fail anyway?

Now saying that, you need to put this behind you and look to the future. If you still feel something for your ex, then it is probably best to follow your heart on that. Time to forget about the past and if you are unable to do that, it is only going to keep eating you up inside and in the end, the relationship may very well fail because of it. And if you are just looking for friendship, so be it as well...no big deal, but you are going to have to realize as just being friends...he is going to get other gfs and you are going to have to sit back and handle it. Can you handle it? I am divorced and about 4 months after it was finalized, my ex and I hooked back up...as "Friends." I still loved him madly, but he wanted nothing more than friends. The first time he saw a girl, I cried so hard. The second time, my heart started beating hard and I felt depressed, but I didn't cry and I got over it right away. I realized, if it's meant to happen...it's going to, but if not, there's nothing I can do about it. It takes two to make a relationship work...period. But what I'm trying to say is, if you are only going to be friends...shake off this attitude that he's your property and no one else has the right to date him. A friend is a friend, not a bf or gf. Be happy for him, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I admit I get jealous when my ex is with someone else, but I know damn well he gets just as jealous when I'm with someone else. It's ok, shake it off and move on. :)
I wish you the best of luck...and remember, follow your heart. It may get hurt, but it can love again if you let it. "Love like you've never been hurt."
BTW, forgiveness and understanding go a long way in bringing happiness and contentment to a person's life. He wasn't going out with you anymore which means he was free to date anyone he wanted to. Also, the other girl did not "move in on your bf." He wasn't your bf anymore, and he made the choice to date her despite your feelings about it, so how is that HER fault? You set out to make her pay and feel pain. Instead of focusing on what to do now in regard to him, why not spend some time looking in the mirror and thinking about how to improve what you see. IMO, from experience, you have a ways to go before you'll be capable of being part of a healthy, mature relationship of any kind. I don't mean to be harsh, I really just want to make you look at things from a different perspective in an attempt to help you find a better future for yourself. Good luck.