First date safety
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First date safety
| Wed, 02-18-2004 - 8:54am |
Two months ago I got to know a guy online. We've been quite open with each other and then it turned to phone. Both his parents died last year & it seems he doesn't have much of a social life.He phones almost everyday & kept in touch even when he was abroad.I feel I can really trust him.
So tomorrow we should be meeting up i.r.l. for the first time.We live some 30mins away from each others. I said we should meet half way through, since I hate being picked up on a first date, for safety and easy escape in case the date isn't my type.But he insists that a guy should pick girl up on date and deliver her back safely. I don't want to divulge my exact address so agreed to be picked up at a square close-by. Thing is I'm too independent for this kind of thing. Otherwise, he left everything at my choice: day, time & venue (a place I know well). So I'll have to trust him and see how it goes. Will call a taxi in case I need alternative transport getting back home.
Any other safety measures I should take just in case?
So tomorrow we should be meeting up i.r.l. for the first time.We live some 30mins away from each others. I said we should meet half way through, since I hate being picked up on a first date, for safety and easy escape in case the date isn't my type.But he insists that a guy should pick girl up on date and deliver her back safely. I don't want to divulge my exact address so agreed to be picked up at a square close-by. Thing is I'm too independent for this kind of thing. Otherwise, he left everything at my choice: day, time & venue (a place I know well). So I'll have to trust him and see how it goes. Will call a taxi in case I need alternative transport getting back home.
Any other safety measures I should take just in case?

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In fact he disappointed me a bit when he said he'd either do the picking me up or otherwise no date.I put it down to his mentality about women & driving. He's 36 (me 26) and he sounded taken aback when I said I've been driving since I was 18.
Anyway, at the back of my mind I've been considering to go to the meeting spot in my car, let him park his car there & then I drive us to the venue.
Even though I trust him, I'd feel a lot safer in my own car.
And if he refuses, it's his loss after all!
No, don't let him get into your car either.
It concerns me that he gave you the ultimatum (he drives or no date at all). Makes me wonder what his motives are? A true gentleman might offer but would back down if you expressed concern. So I am really wondering why he didn't, and that would concern me greatly. I don't think this is about him being a gentleman.
I have done a lot of online dating, and never once did I allow someone to pick me up (or to know where I lived/worked, or even my last name) before meeting him. A few guys offered to pick me up, but conceded in their offer that I might be more comfortable meeting somewhere. Not a SINGLE guy insisted on picking me up on a first date - and if anyone had, I would have said goodbye. I met my bf online and he had no problem at all with meeting in a public place for our first date. Oh, btw, my bf is 36 so this is not an age thing. Something is not right with this guy. Please be very careful.
*meet in a crowded public place
*keep the meeting short and have plans to see/talk to someone afterward
*let someone know where you are going and who you are meeting
*take your cell phone, if you have one
*trust your intuition - if something seems off, it probably is, so end the date politely
*don't leave your drink unattended
Be safe.
You really have two risks. 1. He's really dangerous. 2. He's an awful date and you just want to get away.
Had you considered a double date? How about you and a couple of friends for dinner and dancing?
If you're going to let him pick you up, here's how to seem not so paranoid. When he meets you, have a friend with you at the square. Say something like "this is my friend Jennifer", and let everyone talk for a minute. Jennifer will take a good look at him, get his license number in case you are missing. Bring your cellphone. Do you have pepper spray? If not, it's about $5. Wear comfortable shoes. Have some cash with you for a cab.
Thank you so much for your advice, clear views & support. I am very much obliged to you all. I have talked to the guy again and he wasn't flexible so I called it off.
Regards,
Jill
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