shy guys-don't act. a question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2003
shy guys-don't act. a question.
6
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 11:28am
Hi girls,

this is just an observation.

Almost all guys that are really nice, are, I find, the ones who are also shy! It feels extremely odd approaching a guy. I wonder whether these guys would *like* a girl to approach them. It is just a little frustrating just waiting for such a guy to start a friendship. And I am talking about guys who give out that look of "interest" but still don't do anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 11:47am
My opinion is that a healthy mature adult will act on any interest he feels. Shyness is for elementary school IMO. I have learned that people who claim to be shy tend to use that as an excuse for inaction in many areas, when truly they don't act b/c they don't want to. An adult male who is healthy and ready for a relationship, if he thinks you might be someone who's right for him, will act. Period. Someone who you have to coddle and hand hold and be the initiator for in the beginning will be someone who you have to coddle and hand hold and initiate for all throughout the relationship. If you want an equal partnership where both people give and take and pull their weight in all aspects of the relationship, then forget about "shy" guys who cannot even ask you out. It's way too much work and the outcome is usually unsatisfactory. Just my observations through experience.
Avatar for happychick01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 11:53am
Thats my DH :)
























Hey




When I met DH he was very shy and he was checking me out but didn't pursure for he assumed that I already had a BF for he told me that I am pretty and most pretty girls are taken and he assumed that I would shut him down so he never approach me but when I said "Hi" to him he was very flatter and he thought it was cool that I made the first move most shy guys will be flatter that you said Hi to them and my motto was when I like someone they know it and why waste time when we can be getting to know each other better so go for it GF tell those shy guys "Hi" and they will be very flatter that you made the first move :)


Good Luck!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:49pm
To me "nice" means assertive with healthy self confidence and most men with those qualities are not that shy that they do not know how to ask a woman out for coffee. Shy guys can be kind and compassionate, sure, but I do not equate niceness with mousiness or wimpiness.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 12:57pm
I don't mind a guy being shy. I'll even help him along by being approachable and friendly. I smile. I talk. If he still doesn't get the hint, I assume he's not too interested or he's unavailable. That's my experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:37pm
I think it has more to do with a lack of confidence and the fear/risk of rejection than shyness. What many guys look for is to see if the woman is approachable thereby reducing the risk of rejection. This is especially so for a guy hanging with his buddies as he doesn't want to crash and burn in front of them.

He may give of the "look of interest" - whatever that means to you - but he is highly unlikely to leave his buddies to pursue you unless you clearly show that you are approachable.

You don't have to ask him for a date, but if you encourage conversation it will go a long ways in your favor.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 3:04pm
Although I understand what you're saying, my own experience has shown me that there are a great quantity of good, nice and quality men who are not shy. Keep looking and hopefully you will find some of them. ;-)

I have found that when a man is interested and available for a relationship, he will act on that interest, even if it takes some gathering of courage to make the first move. Why? Because he doesn't want to risk passing up a good chance when he sees someone who he thinks might be what he's looking for. Anyone who *would* let that chance go by (especially if she is obviously approachable and friendly) IMO is probably not ready for a relationship for one reason or another.