DATING PROBLEMS

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
DATING PROBLEMS
2
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 1:04pm
I really need some advice!!! I have been dating for the past year since breaking up with my boyfriend...I have been meeting some really great men, but usually after the first or second date I lose interest. I often find myself trying to figure out what i could possibly do to change these men into someone I really want. I know you cant change someone into something you want because you should accept people for who and what they are...but it never fails..after the first few dates my interest level goes to zero. The only men I dont find myself doing this to is guys who are unobtainable...the ones I know i would never have a chance with. What is my problem???? In most peoples opinions these guys i meet are great, yet I always find something wrong with them...even the littlest things from the way they talk, eat, dress...stupid little things. I dont know what to do because i know I am letting some great guys pass me by.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
In reply to: jenyjen79
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 2:50pm
The world is full of great people. Unfortunately, being a great person doesn't automatically make you right for everyone. If it did, there wouldn't be anyone posting on these boards. ;-)

What others think of your dates is irrelevant. Only you know what you're looking for in a partner. Only you can decide for yourself if someone is a right fit for you or not. It's your life; it's your decision.

It's possible you're not emotionally healed from your breakup, and not yet ready to begin another relationship. That could be why you're attracted to unattainable people and why nobody else retains your interest. Unless you're totally healed and back to a state of emotional health and stability, you're not going to be able to begin and develop a successful relationship with anyone. If that's the case, you should take some time to yourself without dating and focus on you. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
In reply to: jenyjen79
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 3:55pm
I've been saying this for months! The ones that want me, I have no interest in and the ones I want, I know I'll never get! Mind you, I've just recently started dating someone I have a high interest level in after 4 dates, although I just found out that he's fresh out of a LTR - damn.... Anyway, I think it's all part of the dating process and the theory that you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Its also a useful tool to figuring out what it is you truly want in a man. What turns you on, what doesn't turn you on, etc. I've discovered that my biggest mistake in past relationships is that I seem to go for the smart-ass, cocky, types of men - the ones who are great fun to be around but break your heart the minute someone else walks by. Trying to change this thinking and attraction has been very hard for me. I've been out with a lot of great guys who would be a lot better for me than any "jerk" but when I compare personalities, lifestyles and such, the nice guys just don't measure up.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, except that after having been hurt in the past, you are being smarter and more selective about the type of guy you want to be with. Whatever you do, don't settle because you think you should be with "someone/anyone". Enjoy your life for what it is right now and sooner or later the right kind of guy will come along and all this will merely be just another chapter in your book of life.

LOL - I have to say that....otherwise I'm up the creek without a paddle too!!!!

Take care and all the best....

Jokes