What Is the right thing to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2004
What Is the right thing to do?
3
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 5:52pm
Here is my problem. I haven known this guy for about 7 years and for the last 2 years we have been sleeping together, It started out with a casual date to the movies and then he would come over to my place but now its more just about the sex and thats it. We have talked about things progressing into a relationship, but he says he wants to concentrate on school, ( he is away in college) which I totally understand. He knows that I have feelings for him and I have told him that this bothers me and that I don't want to do this Friends with benefits thing anymore. But then he makes me feel guilty and he gets upset saying he likes talking to me and wants to still be my friend. I don't know what to do! I really have strong feelings for him. To make things worse in the last 2 years I haven't met any of his friends or roommates. I have gone to his school before and have only been to his parents' house 1 time. What should I do? I have tried so many times to talk to him about this, but he just doesn't understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 6:44pm
It sounds like you just need to drop this guy. If he hasn't introduced you to his friends, that's a big sign that he doesn't want you in his world. He knows you will be there and that is why he will not talk about this, because if he were to tell you his real feelings, you wouldn't be there anymore. Trust me girl, I did the same thing a few years ago and I just kept falling deeper and deeper for this guy. When it came down to it, I was his booty-call that his fiance didn't even know about!! Drop him, there really are good men out there, I've learned you just have to STOP looking and amazing things will happen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 02-18-2004 - 7:42pm
Basically you both are at different places in your life - he wants to keep your friendship, but a friend wouldn't make you feel guilty for wanting some time to heal, knowing full well that you want a relationship and he doesn't. Hmmm, could it be he talks you out of it so he can continue having sex with you? That's my guess and because you want more, you fall for it in hopes that by staying in his life (and bed) that he might change his mind about a future with you. It doesn't work that way.

::He knows that I have feelings for him and I have told him that this bothers me and that I don't want to do this Friends with benefits thing anymore. But then he makes me feel guilty and he gets upset saying he likes talking to me and wants to still be my friend.

So he can talk to you, but not have sex with you....unless you specifically need some time of NO CONTACT to heal.

This is not a good relationship for you and you are going to have to be strong and set boundaries no matter how much he tries to talk you out of how you feel, talk you out of what's right for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 7:09am
It's not about "talking" and then having sex anyway - it's about talking and telling him - no contact unless and until you decide you want a real relationship with me. Of course he has time, but why should he put in the effort here when he knows you're all talk but will still continue having casual sex?