In Love with a Widower

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In Love with a Widower
2
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 12:19am
I started talking to a man online that is a widower. We hit it off great, we talked on the phone everynight for hours. We went out on two dates and the second one we got into making out and touching each other. The next day he didn't call, so I called him to find out what was going on and he never answered. I was very upset. Two days later I received an email from him saying he couldn't handle how he felt the next day and wasn't ready for the feelings he was having. He said he felt like he was cheating on his late wife. My question is what should I do, I think I am really in love with him and don't want to let him go. I received an email which was short and sweet and then a few instant messages. What should I do to keep him??

Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:19pm
I'm sorry, but you have no choice but to let him go. You can't make someone stay with you. He is obviously not ready to be dating yet, and so dating you is causing him feelings of anxiety and distress.

I would tell him to stop contacting you. He is not ready to date you, and you obviously want more than friendship, so I think that is the only option. Find someone who is ready for a relationship - this guy isn't.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 1:56pm
My opinion is that if you don't let him go at this point, you will only suffer more pain and hurt down the road. He is not ready for a new relationship yet. He has not fully healed from his wife's death. No relationship you try to form with him at this point will be happy, healthy or successful b/c he is not emotionally available right now to have that with you or anyone. He knows and you know it. To pursue this further will be a futile and painful endeavor IMO. Good luck.