Dating the boss... ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Dating the boss... ok?
5
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 4:40am
Hi,

I'm a 22 year old college student with a little part-time job. I have been working at this job for almost 2 months now, and my boss and I seem to flirt all the time. But I am so confused as to what to do - if anything at all. The company I work for is relatively small and I am pretty sure there would be no problem if we dated, but I'm just wondering if I should go for it. I usually don't even date that much, but something about him---actually, everything about him!!--captured me. And the best part is that he is single.. and still in his 20's! And let's say I should go for it.. how do I approach him about it? Should I even approach him or should I just leave it to him to make a move? I just wish I could find out what he was thinking...

~Terribly Confused Katie~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 6:58am
There's two ways this could go--either things go well and you continue in a long term relationship OR things don't go well, you break up and you have to still work together. Let's say the second choice comes to fruition... So you have unresolved feelings on one side and now you still have to work togther. Trust me, a very uncomfortable situation can arise. Before going into it people always hope for the best. But you have to be prepared for the worst. Working in a small company with someone you're dating could really become torture if you break up.

Consider all the consequences before you jump and then decide whether or not you can deal with them. Think of how you would feel if you had to see him everyday if you were not together. Think of how it would be if he still wanted to be with you but you didn't want him but he kept bothering you at work. Think about how it would be if you left on bad terms and you had to see him everyday. Think about all of it.If you're ok with accepting the outcome, then go for it.

I hope this helps. Good luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 10:35am
Katie, I think you know the answer to your own question. It is NEVER a good idea to date your boss. Never. Both of you could lose your jobs.

I agree with bklynchick about the general hazards of dating someone at work. But it is exponentially more dangerous to date your boss. He will be a reference who future employers will want to talk to - and if the relationship falters, do you think you're going to get a glowing reference? I doubt it. It's a tough job market out there. Based on your age I am guessing that you are probably close to graduation and will be looking for a job soon - and you probably have limited work experience, so potential employers will probably want to talk to him. If they get a negative report from him, they will just hire someone else. And you'll never know why.

I think dating your boss is a terrible idea. Stick to flirting, and even tone that down or stop it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 4:02pm
Wow.. you are soo right. I didnt even think about that. BUT.. if i honestly sit here and really contemplate all those scenarios you brought up, I think I would still at least consider it... he's such a great guy... I hate being so torn! I think I'm going to wait it out and see what happens. If nothing, then he's either too scared or truly doesnt want anything. If something does happen, then I guess I'm going to have to follow my gut. One good thing, though, is that all of the relationships I've been in have always ended on amicable terms. I still speak to almost all the guys--whether it was long-term or short-term.

Ahhhh, I don't know.. I guess all I can do is wait this thing out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 4:10pm
Ginger,

Wow, the truth really does suck. I TOTALLY didnt even think about that (the part about getting another job and putting my boss down as a reference). You're right--I've only had 2 jobs ever (this being one of them).

I can honestly say I totally agree with you. It really is wrong to date the boss (especially if you're someone with a career and the job brings home the bread). However, even though this not even a very serious job, the fact that we have this amazing connection is just irking me. It's so strange---I dont want to venture off and say he's my soulmate, but SOOO many things about us are alike! It's a little scary---and we understand each other in so many ways.

I am not usually one to just pursue anyone. I've only been in one really serious relationship and only somewhat dated on and off. So that's why I can't get passed this gut feeling I have about him.

I guess what I'm trying to say is (and i know this sounds CRAZY.. but it's totally hypothetitcal)... if you knew your boss was almost perfect for you, would you still recommend not going for it? Especially knowing the situation that I'm in (the fact that this job isnt my career).

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 02-19-2004 - 4:32pm
"I guess what I'm trying to say is (and i know this sounds CRAZY.. but it's totally hypothetitcal)... if you knew your boss was almost perfect for you, would you still recommend not going for it? Especially knowing the situation that I'm in (the fact that this job isnt my career)."

I still don't think I'd recommend it. For one thing, you've only known him for 2 months and just as a boss - so how do you know he is almost perfect for you? You barely know him. You don't know how he conducts his personal life. You don't know how he reacts to stress. Etc.

At the very least, I would wait until he is no longer your boss to start anything. But I wouldn't do it even then. Yes, I have had crushes on bosses - but I have never acted on a crush like that. It just seems like you are putting too much at risk.

There are plenty of other guys out there. Why not pick one where you aren't putting so much at risk?