Letting out some steam
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Letting out some steam
| Fri, 02-20-2004 - 2:12pm |
I just wanted to let out some steam...so I'd thought I'd do it here. I don't understand it sometimes when guys make you feel on top of the world and then the next minute they leave you dazed and confused! Why do men do this????

Your feelings are a result of your perception of each situation at hand, in relation to your goals and needs.
He did not "cause" you to feel a particular way. You are feeling as you are - based on the situation as it is, which obviously his action caused or changed to your displeasure.
Everything people do - they do because THEY want to do it. They are not doing or not doing what they do or do not do for, because of, in spite of, or despite you....they are doing it because their values and standards justify and entitle their actions, feelings, thoughts, decisions, words, ideas or desires.
So basically, he did something that made you "feel" special - roses, a special card, a romantic date....and you took that to mean "I adore you, I worship you, I love you" based on your perception of his action and what he meant by it by YOUR interpretation.
he's now done something that your perception has you thinking flies in the face of previous assumption and it makes you "feel" negative, upset, hurt, or neglected.
His actions might upset you because they conflict with your values, or they cause situations to exist/change in ways that you don't like or want. But "he" is not ocntroling your feelings - and nothing he is doing is meant to control your feelings.
When he gave you the roses with the chocolates - it was because he wanted to. And when he didn't call and stood you up - it was because he wanted to.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Generally, if what you're considering as "good" is a new developing or dynamic change...they are running becuase how it was was "good" by their definition and standard and this is not.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Hi
Many guys wonder the same thing about women - miscommunication and misunderstandings make the world go 'round, unfortunately.
Guys are people too, too bad we don't realize that and too bad they don't realize women are people too as well!
I was in a relationship this past summer that felt very right in the beginning - but I protected my heart and proceeded with some caution and reasonably - I made the decision that if at the 5-6 month mark I still felt the same and things were going well, I would bring up progressing to the next level - engagement - at the 4 month mark we had already been talking of marriage but he had never said he loved me - I knew that no matter what the reason I needed to protect myself because no matter how attentive and loving he was I knew he wasn't there yet - which I found out at the four month mark - two weeks later we broke up and even though I had been head over heels, I had also kept my head on straight so that I was not devastated.
Had I taken your approach - I would have gone with those initial "right" feelings to the nth degree and felt mislead and shocked when those feelings were not returned - I would have ignored the signs instead choosing the whirlwind - then I would have played the victim of a misleading man - to me that would be terribly unfair - yes I was head over heels, no he never promised it would end in marriage, he never told me he loved me but he did dozens and dozens of things to show he cared and talked of the future constantly - and still I kept my head on straight so that when it ended I did not feel bitter or mislead or resentful or devastated - or like "male bashing" - and IMHO I think my approach is a much healthier one and allows me to continue to enjoy men's company, feel optimistic about relationships and love, and maintain a very strong sense of self. Try it some time!
Edited 2/21/2004 10:58:38 PM ET by deena33