Stuck in the past

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Stuck in the past
2
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 11:54am
I need advice. I'm married now for four years and have a 3 year old daughter. I care for my husband but we have a relationship full of conflict and turmoil. I do not feel we underderstand each other. Starting two years ago I found myself fantasizing about my first boyfriend of 10 years ago. I dream about him and I cannot get him out my head. I decided to contact him a year ago but was unsuccessful in locating him. A month ago I attended a conference and there he was walking toward me. My heart sunk and jumped all at once. I was so excited that I wanted to kiss him and run away with him. I found out he's unhappily married and constantly misses me. He even drives by my mom's house occasionally. We just started having an affair and I felt I was home. I'm afraid of what may happen and I definitely do not want to be a home wrecker. My husband will not find out because he's behind bars but his wife could. Would it be worth staying to find out what can happen or should I walk away? Is it destiny or not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 12:19pm
If this is meant to be it will be when your divorce is final for a year as is his divorce - obviously if he is right for you and you for him you will be together when it is right and moral to do so, right? I would stop cheating, divorce your husband, if this man loves you so much he will also leave his wife, and once you are both divorced for a year you can date. If you can't see yourself waiting that long, or he cannot, then you know that this is mostly about sex and neediness and loneliness, not about anything worth pursuing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 12:20pm
Why would you want to continue being married to a person who is in jail? Was this a serious offence and was he truely guilty? Incarceration would be a deal-breaker for me.

Just because your husband is in jail it is not an excuse for you to have an affair. To me cheating and affairs are acts of total selfishness. With affairs there is no respect for anyone else but yourself.

If you want to move forward in your life then contact an attorney and get a divorce started.