wanting to have a secret affair, I think

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
wanting to have a secret affair, I think
7
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 4:40pm
I am a married woman (40)with a true desire for a married man (43). I have the typical life- 2 great kids, successful working mom, etc. and my spouse is nice but I have no desire for him; we are more like roommates. My 'friend' is like me, although he is the sole bread winner. We are involved in the same organiztion and somehow I think there has been a spark started. Not sure however; what I do want is the typical 'secret' affair. I would not leave my spouse nor he leave his. However, here's the kicker- I can not tell if he's interested in me. Not to be vain, I am an attractive, smart, educated, well-employed woman. He is a 'cute' man; no Mr. GQ. I just don't know how to tell if he is interested and chooses not to do something because of the way 'life' is now or is just not interesed in me. I KNOW he finds me attractive, smart, etc. I am so different than his wife who is a stay-at-home mom. She is rather a plain-jane, but a very nice person and good mom. I need help, bad. Anyone?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 4:45pm

Yes, my advice is to post this on the "My Affair" board, not on a DATING board!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 4:52pm
Why not just tell him you'll charge him half your usual rate for a roll in the hay and offer to pay for all the STD tests he likely will need after being anywhere near you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 9:08pm
I am angry that you would concider cheating. What's wrong with trying to work on your marriage? Are you that stupid, that you would risk hurting your husband? Why don't you try acting like an adult, and get some help, for your marriage. Have you thought about that? Or, could it be you're just being selfish? You're so focused on your own needs, you're not thinking about your family, and how this could affect them. If you want to get your sexual needs met, I'm sure there are some adult stores in your town. At least this way, no one gets hurt. Think about it, and make the right decision.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 2:44am
I think that you should focus on your own personal and marital issues/insecurities/dissatisfaction that would even make you think of having an affair. It is an easy excuse to find escape from what you may not be willing to face in your own life, and rationalize it by projecting the same wishful thinking that you would want shared by the other person. This response of mine goes for him too, whether or not it is true that he may also be thinking of having an affair with you.

You are distracted by this rumination. You are entertaining the thought but isn't sure, so clearly you are in a moral dilemma. WHY you would even consider it is something that you should be focusing on.

You need help? Since you asked, I would say in summary to help yourself first in understanding why you are internally conflicted, and work on resolving that. No one, not even he, or the fantasies that you have, could fix it for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 8:57am

I think you may find this board to be more suitable for you... if you are looking for support for your thoughts of having an affair. I really don't think you will find many here who are willing to promote cheating on a spouse.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlmyaffair


tg

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:03am
Thank you for not beating me up over this. I have read your response several times- it is sinking in. Thanks again.
Avatar for happychick01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 11:36am
HMMMMMM


















Im married myself and have been for the past 3 yrs starting on May 12th 2004 I guess for me personally I could never imagine having a secret affair on my guy since he is the best person that ever happen to me - Instead of wanting a secret affair on this guy is there anyway you can reconnect with your hubby?


You need to remember what attracted you in the 1st place when it came to your hubby and now that you have kids you need to think of them and how it would effect them if they ever found out that you were "Cheating" on Dad it would problay break their hearts and if they are young trust me kids can pick up things quite well.


You can try to have a date night where someone watches the kids and you and DH go out and reconnect to each other and get to know each other once again for you wouldn't want your guy to have a secret affair on you imagine how you would feel if he did that to you and now your thinking of doing it to him

It sounds like you two don't have the spark anymore well re-ignite it and try to make things work between you and your DH and this guy sounds like a creep the one that you like who wants to be with a guy that wants to cheat on his wife he'll get his cake and eat it too and then he'll used you and move on to someone else Please think with your head and as for your heart remember the good times that you had with your DH and how you can get those good times back again!!


Lots of Luck!!