I'm so confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
I'm so confused
5
Sun, 02-22-2004 - 7:12pm
Hey all, I am a guy but I would like the female point on view on this: I did met a girl but before her I was a major player. Then I straightened out my ways and dedicated myself only to her. The months went by and I hid my past to her, except for those I slept with. The relationship had to become long distance, and that's when I told her I still loved her but it would be OK for me if she saw someone else. She did, and she even told me a few things she did on him. I thought it wasn't OK, and I said I didn't love her anymore. Now she is digging through my past, looking for all those things I didn't say to her back then, and calling me a womanizer and a liar. I told her I didn't really lie to her because that belonged to the past, and that's it. She replies, "well I was honest from the start, unlike you". I really need to learn my lessons from this, so hope you can help me get them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2002
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 4:46pm
Personally, I'd want to know everything from the beginning. I'd suggest that if you want to have a dedicated relationship with a woman, you discuss the topic with her and see if she wants to know about your past before you two move ahead too far. If you really care for someone, it is best to be open.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 5:02pm

No offense, Tweety, but I think you'll feel differently when you're a little older than 19!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 5:53pm
I agree 100% with you Sherri. I have been dating my current bf for over a year, and the mere mention of one of his ex's names still sends a chill up my spine. It isn't that I am jealous, I just wish I knew less about them. It would suffice to know they dated, and whether or not they were "intimate". Knowing too many details can cause one's imagination to run wild....at least in my case it does. (I made the mistake of asking about serious relationships one time, and I got more details than I ever wanted.)

As for the reformed "player", I hope you remember that you said it was okay to date other people. If you wanted to be exclusive, you have to make that clear. (ALthough I totally don't agree with her giving you the gory details. :) ) Maybe it is time to move on, and use all the wisdom you have picked up this time around. :) Good Luck!

Suzanne

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 7:08pm
Hey Slugger

I think that everyone has a past, wether they wanna share it or not is their choice. Personally i like to know about my guys past...not details or anything, and nothing sexual. Just the basics like who his friends where and things he may have done blah blah but i dont much wanna here about his relationships. And if i did want to know i would just ask. But this gurl of yours has no right to be mad really b/c why would you have told her? Unless she would have asked you woulda had no reason to tell her. I dunno if this helped at all haha but maybe it did.

peace

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2002
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 7:16pm
You all with more experience may be right that I'll change my mind in time. This is simply my opinion right now. Perhaps extremely detailed accounts aren't the best, but I think I'd at least like to know the basics, especially if anything may put me at risk. Once again, that may change when I get a little older.