guy's behvior
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guy's behvior
| Sun, 02-22-2004 - 7:22pm |
I've been trying to play it cool with this guy I've met a couple of months ago and I don't know if I'm playing way too cool that he may be losing interest in me or just thinks that I'm not interested enough to pursue. I'm afraid to scare him off by letting him know that I like him way too early on. There are times when he contacts me constantly then he stops and I don't hear from him for days, even for two weeks! If a guy has a mild interest in a girl, how do you raise that guy's interest level to a high interest? How does a guy behave if he justs has a mild interest vs. a guy who has high interest? How do we know if a guy clicks with a girl? How do guys behave when they are just playing it cool or just being passive?

Just a thought
Is this the same guy you've been posting about for some time now?
Anyway, he sends me an e-mail. We e-mail back and forth for about a week and he asks me out for coffee. Then, the last three times for dinner all at his invitation except for the third date, I asked him to join some friends of mine. We've been out four times since I've met him. I'm trying to keep a cool head about this and treat this as a friendship first and get to know him better. We haven't kissed yet. I have a hard time keeping eye contact with him because I don't want to fall too fast. At the end of all of our dates, we have awkward moments. I always thank him and don't know what to say from then on. I get nervous and dash out of the car. I don't think we know what to say to each other except 'catch you later' or 'talk to you later'. I like him and don't want to lose him which is what I am afraid might be happening.
So, I should take it as a red flag if the guy doesn't call me at least once a week and make plans to see me? Which is something he is doing--not calling me once a week and making plans. Doesn't that usually happen when a person wants a serious relationship? So, I guess I should read his actions as someone who really doesn't want a relationship but just dating casually? You've made a very good point about keeping up the continuity in seeing each other and getting to know each other. I'm not sure what to do now?
Glad to hear it's not the same guy!
How are you darling?
I feel your pain and sympathize with you very much. First of all, it is hard to give you advice since I don't know your age- but I will surmise that you are 19- 24 yrs of age. You want to know how to tell if a guy is really interested in you and not just "playing" or being "unofficially uncool"! (Sorry,couldn't help it.) Guys who like the girls or women in their lives will let you know unless he is incredibly shy, young, or not experienced. Now, "players" will tell you things that you are like,"wow this is too cool" and it probably is. They will say things like, " how much they appreciate your openess, you are so nice( and that is not bad but if they keep referring to it like your always Mother Theresa- they are are in shock that you have not caught them in the act of bullcrapping) and they always want to talk to you about their ex-girlfriend(s). Now, I understand that guys do have a "thing" about being"cool" but- when a MAN LIKES a WOMAN HE WILL MOST DEFINATELT LET HER KNOW! Now, I don't know if you are sending him some mixed signals, and that would be a help to know, such as what you do when he stares at you for a longer period of time than normal, and does he do it when you ask him a personal question, about something he likes, his friends, etc. But, you must let him know you are interested in him by ALWAYS LOOKING HIM IN THE EYE WHEN HE OR YOU SPEAKS- there is a hormone in both sexes- and please forgive me- I at this point cannot remember the name of it- it is at home- but there is a hormone that humans produce when in love -or when THEY THINK THEY ARE IN LOVE- yes when they think they are in love- and that is caused by looking in the other person's eyes and not looking away- it triggers the brain into thinking that the last time they felt in love was when someone had looked so deeply into their eyes,and it always works, I also found this from one of the dating experts on Ivillage, and I did print it out so I can email a copy to you tomorrow. But, I am going to suggest that you start with this small and most effective task- stare him in the eyes and lightly touch his forearms and his kneecap when appropriate! Nothing more and nothing less! If he does not respond, I would GENTLY ask him if he is dating/seeing someone at the moment and if not then let him know you really like him and would like to get to know him more personally and initmately. Be gentle and a "tender openess" will always get a man to be more gentle back to you. Be sincere, and hey if you blush- all the more better- you will be glowing with a radiance he will never forget and find irresistable! Be yourself and pretend you are telling yourself what you would like to hear from someone else in this situation- let's face it- we all go over the lines of what he said and she said- we know them by heart- but pretend you are doing this to yourself- what would you want to hear and how would you liked to be asked? My dera dear caveofemptiness- I hope for God's sake that you change your name real soon- this very bad luck wearing around you and you are not a cave of emptiness if you are asking for advice! Be happy, young, and Live your Life, my dear one! You are the key to your destiny!!! Sincerely, Amber_elle04@yahoo.com (heather in los angeles, ca)