I've never dated - help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
I've never dated - help
2
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 8:57am
Hello all - I need some advise.

I'm not good at this dating thing. When I was in middle school/early high school I had boyfriends but by the time I got my drivers license I had secured myself as the 'friend'. It was a very comfortable spot for me because I got the attention without getting hurt. Now in my mid twenties, I'm lonely and want a relationship. I started using an online dating site to find people (because I relocated after graduation and all my friends are in relationships and I'm just uncomfortable meeting people in bars and clubs). Last week I went on a date with a guy who seems great. He suggested we go out again this week and we've chatted twice since. Sounds good, right? I'm just confused, all my adult interactions with guys has either been as friends or short term flings. I'm not sure how to 'date'. I'm trying not to get too clingy or turn this into a fling or worse turn him into 'just a friend'. How do I date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2002
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 12:15pm
I would like to be able to help you, but I'd have to ask the same question you posted. My past is a little different, but the end result is similar. I wish you good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 02-23-2004 - 4:04pm
If you have clingy tendencies, I think you would be wise to remind yourself that no matter how great a guy is, there are lots of other guys out there to date! In other words, don't pin all of your hopes and dreams on ONE guy on a first date, or even a second or third date. Keep things in perspective - at that point, he is not your future husband, he is just a guy you just met and are getting to know. It might also help if you date multiple people at once until you meet someone you have dated for at least a month or two who you want to concentrate on. And leave your profile up on the dating site unless and until you and a guy have agreed to be exclusive and take down your profiles.

As for not having flings . . . just keep things slow physically in the beginning. Personally I will not be intimate with a man until we are exclusive, and that usually doesn't happen until we've been dating for at least a couple of months. Very few guys who are just looking for a fling will stick around for that long!

Other than that, just go out and be safe and have fun! :)