Really Scared
Find a Conversation
Really Scared
| Mon, 02-23-2004 - 5:59pm |
Hi,
I'm 20 and just started dating a guy who I was so excited asked me out. We've been seeing each other twice a week for 3 weeks now. Recently I've been feeling extremely close to him. He always looks into my eyes and I have to look away because I start to cry. We haven't had any serious talks yet. The problem is, every time he gets into his car and leaves I feel like its going to be the last time that I ever see him again. He says he will call but until he does I am completetly non funtional. I try to find things to do but I can't even seem to get my homework done until he calls me and i am relieved. Our date will go amazing and I'll feel like he feels the same connection but literally as soon as he drives away I start to cry and feel like maybe/possibly he doesn't. What can I do? Is it too soon to have a serious conversation with him? I think it is but I'm driving myself CRAZY worrying that'll end. I'm crying right now listening to R&B love songs (joe) which I never do. I know this is something very real on my side. How can I make sure it is on his also?
I'm 20 and just started dating a guy who I was so excited asked me out. We've been seeing each other twice a week for 3 weeks now. Recently I've been feeling extremely close to him. He always looks into my eyes and I have to look away because I start to cry. We haven't had any serious talks yet. The problem is, every time he gets into his car and leaves I feel like its going to be the last time that I ever see him again. He says he will call but until he does I am completetly non funtional. I try to find things to do but I can't even seem to get my homework done until he calls me and i am relieved. Our date will go amazing and I'll feel like he feels the same connection but literally as soon as he drives away I start to cry and feel like maybe/possibly he doesn't. What can I do? Is it too soon to have a serious conversation with him? I think it is but I'm driving myself CRAZY worrying that'll end. I'm crying right now listening to R&B love songs (joe) which I never do. I know this is something very real on my side. How can I make sure it is on his also?

You want so badly, so desperately to be loved, to be in a relationship, to be safe, secure, happy, content, blissful and successful - you're terrified of being "an adult on your own" - and this guy's desire for you makes you feel so "positive" about yourself when you're with him - you're just as polar oppositional devastated when you're not.
You can't imagine how life would be without him...here's the thing, he doesn't feel that way. Feelings are NOT facts, goals, or calls to action. To him, it's a great date, a great lay if you're having sex, it is having fun, sex, and companionship. He's not thinking about a future - quite likely.
And all this "I need a relationship, a man, a source of salvation, success and security" - that's codependently dysfunctional and it's why you're "freezing in terror" when he's not around. If he latches onto you in this state - it's not because he tenderly loves you and wants to become a great individual and with his love, acceptance, and assistance you will be...it's because you're a doormat, willling to do whatever he wants, however he wants - in order to keep in your life and thus some "functionality" in your day.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
There are plenty of other men out there.
I have only known __ for three weeks.
I'm 20 and have plenty of time to find "the one."
My life will go on just fine if he never calls again.
There are plenty of other men out there.
There are plenty of other men out there.
There are plenty of other men out there.
Repeat until you believe it. It's all true, I swear! :)
I am totally serious, by the way. You barely know this guy, yet you cry when he leaves and can't concentrate on anything until he calls? Doesn't sound healthy to me at all. Sounds to me like you are making him the center of your life - as if nothing else matters. Well, other things DO matter. School is important. Doing well in school will help you get a good job which will help you support yourself and your family.
Most men find some degree of independence attractive in a woman. Most men don't WANT to be the center of the life of a woman who they have been dating for only 3 weeks, and those who do have problems.
Good luck! :)