Am I Giving off Femme Vibes???
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| Tue, 02-24-2004 - 12:10am |
My father is a prissy European; a professor. My mother is American. My upbring was pretty different than your typical American boy. My father HATES american football, beer, pickup trucks, yard work, etc. etc. Obviously, never totally assimilated here. But being from Italy, and formerly owning an Italian fashion store, he loves fashion, like most Italians. He LOVES to shop, practically every day, hasseling for deals and bargains. At an early age, he taught me all this stuff.
As a result, I don't really like football, hate sitting home on Sundays to watch games, I hate working with my hands (cant hammer a nail to save my life; my father refused to allow me to work with my hands), love wine, hate drinking beer, love fashion; know how to shop better than most women, know how to cook alot of foods (live alone). I ALWAYS dress up; never wear sneakers, always wear designer stuff. I groom my eyebrows. I am also more soft spoken and don't ever interrupt people (my father HATES that).
Unfortunately, in the dating scene, I've been called "half a girl"..."half gay". I have been hit on several times by gay men. BUT IM NOT GAY OR BI, i assure you. But lately, its been getting me down...women say, wow a woman would be lucky to be with you. But sometimes I think I should be rougher around the edges, tougher, more American style. But the half European upbringing is so rooted in me, I can't help it. It just seems like I am turning women off lately....maybe its a drought I am in. Maybe I should drink beer, burp and talk about football more...Maybe I should explain to women my upbringing sooner; as a disclaimer?

I say that you should be yourself and find someone who appreciates you for that, even if you aren't exactly the stereotypical American man. I think talking about your childhood is a good way to let someone understand you better, not a disclaimer because there is nothing wrong with you.
I hope I at least helped a little.
The barrage of comments is understandably annoying, and maybe unfair, from your pespective. But a woman who is "right" for you as you are for her will appreciate you just the way you are, even if you may not "fit" the stereotype. I think stereotypes get all the hype because they seem to be the most described or referred to in the realm of successful dating (clearly, a generalization on my part, based on the context of your post). And I don't doubt that there are women who would fall for those stereotypes. Whether they develop into successful relationships is a completely different story.
My point is, each person is unique, and it's easy to get overshadowed by perceptions of a societal standard -- in this case, and in your words, "your typical American boy." Do you *want* to be this standard just because...? It will be sad if doing so means betraying yourself and your uniqueness just to fit in. And what's the point of a "disclaimer?" It sounds to me that you are already apologizing for who you are before someone even gets to know you. Personally, that is not an attractive trait.
Edited 2/24/2004 1:42:01 AM ET by carmelsf
Cher
My suggestion - be yourself - not your father or your mother - don't watch football if you don't want to but maybe open yourself up to different experiences - I went biking last summer in central park for the first time in 8 years (!!!! - I live a few blocks away) - and it was wonderful and I was sorry I didn't do it more often - and I love to learn about different interests and activities - the theater stuff as I mentioned, opera, country music, travel, homeless children, etc. - just be open - it's a turn off to me to be with anyone who seems narrow minded or not curious - even if that man is highly intelligent, a sharp dresser and cultured -
A book suggestion to open your mind and which sounds consistent with your interests - The Art of Travel by alain de boton.