multiple dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-1999
multiple dating
2
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 8:39pm
has anyone ever dated multiple people at once? do you let them know about each other? how do u do it and not hurt anyone? i met this really great guy who i have a lot in common with and is the type that i could (eventually... not ANYTIME soon!!) see myself spending my life with. great communication, similar interests and goals, good chemistry. it's all there. then i also got back in touch with a guy i dated a while ago, on and off. we've known each other 10 yrs. he has the BEST sense of humor i've ever run across and we are like 2 peas in a pod.... totally matched in the sense of humor department. we can laugh for hours... besides that, he's really good looking and a great friend. he is my best friend's husband's best friend.

both men have expressed interest in me. i like both of them, they both have great qualities. i don't know how to proceed without hurting either or burning any bridges either. but i need time to figure out which one i'd like to be with exclusively.

the "nice guy" knows i had a date with the "old fall back" last weekend. he even joked about me calling him when it was over. but the fall back doesn't know about the nice guy. do i tell them about each other or just follow the "don't ask, don't tell" rules?

how long can u keep something like this up...? i am not commited to either one... but i have never done this.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: loftyerd
Tue, 02-24-2004 - 8:48pm

These are the guidelines that work for me:


--I always assume the other person is dating other people unless we've discussed and agreed to exclusivity.


--I don't tell a guy I'm dating about other dates, but I also don't lie if I'm asked directly whether I'm dating other people.


--If the exclusivity issue comes up before I'm ready to make the decision, I'll let them know that I prefer to date someone for a couple months and really get to know them well before deciding whether to date exclusively.


--I don't go beyond kissing with anyone until we're dating exclusively (and if I get the feeling the guy is uncomfortable about me dating other people, I try to work this fact into the conversation in a subtle way).


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
In reply to: loftyerd
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 3:25pm
I think it's fine to date multiple people. As a matter of fact, like Sheri said, you should assume that your guy IS dating other people, until he says otherwise. Therefore, you should make sure you keep your options open as well.

Sometimes it's not easy to "juggle" your dates, just like it isn't easy to juggle business appointments. But if you already have plans with one guy, that's all you need to say if the other one asks you out for the same night. You don't need to "announce" that you have another date. But if he asks you point-blank if you're seeing anyone else, I would tell the truth.

All that aside, there is a difference between casual dating and "two-timing." Two-timing is when you're in an intimate relationship with someone who thinks he's the only one, but you're actually seeing someone else on the side.

If a particular guy really likes you, he will generally be the one to ask for exclusivity. But if you're thinking about having sex, I wouldn't wait for him to bring the topic up. You need to know who and what you're dealing with, and you must always be safe.

Good luck.