F*** Buddy May Be Falling For Me-ADVICE?
Find a Conversation
F*** Buddy May Be Falling For Me-ADVICE?
| Wed, 02-25-2004 - 2:04am |
I have a very unique problem...
I have been sleeping with this guy who is 8 years older than me for about a year. We have amazing sex, and that's about all there is to our relationship. We don't hang out except for a little while before and after the deed, we don't know each other's friends, we have never even had a meal together.
I am one of those girls who is able to separate emotion and sex, for the most part, and enjoy great sex with a steady partner who I am not in a relationship with for what it is...however, I had been interested in him when we first met, and have always wondered what it would be like to date him.
Lately, he has been trying to get together a lot more often, and has seemed to be giving me VERY vague messages, although they seem to be there, that make me think he may be interested in me in more than a physical way.
The way I feel about it is, I could go either way...like I said, I am curious to try dating him, but I don't mind keeping things the way they have been. BUT, even though I can separate emotion and sex, I don't think that I am able to be as unemotional as I am usually if I am seeing him as often as I have been...
So, that's the situation...any thoughts, suggestions, comments??? How can I get him to take me out on a date without scaring him off?
I have been sleeping with this guy who is 8 years older than me for about a year. We have amazing sex, and that's about all there is to our relationship. We don't hang out except for a little while before and after the deed, we don't know each other's friends, we have never even had a meal together.
I am one of those girls who is able to separate emotion and sex, for the most part, and enjoy great sex with a steady partner who I am not in a relationship with for what it is...however, I had been interested in him when we first met, and have always wondered what it would be like to date him.
Lately, he has been trying to get together a lot more often, and has seemed to be giving me VERY vague messages, although they seem to be there, that make me think he may be interested in me in more than a physical way.
The way I feel about it is, I could go either way...like I said, I am curious to try dating him, but I don't mind keeping things the way they have been. BUT, even though I can separate emotion and sex, I don't think that I am able to be as unemotional as I am usually if I am seeing him as often as I have been...
So, that's the situation...any thoughts, suggestions, comments??? How can I get him to take me out on a date without scaring him off?

If you now think of him and you as two people who might have a true connection as opposed to just sex, then you will prioritize that connection over the sex - tell him that you are no longer comfortable having sex with him without being in a relationship with him and that you want to start over, get to know each other as people - go out and do things together - and in a few months from now if things are clicking you will consider whether it's time to start having sex again - if he can relate to what you're talking about he will prioritize the getting to know each other phase over having sex.
My best prediction is that he will not be able to see you as someone who is serious about wanting a full relationship since you have been willing to have casual sex for this long - he will always wonder whether you are still separating emotion from sex and will wonder whether if he just wants to cuddle one night instead of having sex, you will get bored and leave him. Also, he may be looking for someone long term who values her body in a way that you do not seem to - that this a phase he is going through and you are easy and always available, so why not. My best advice is to stop having sex with him and find someone where you can develop a healthy relationship over time and start off with the impression that you share your body only with those you have a loving caring relationship with. Your post was very transparent - I don't believe for a minute that you can truly separate emotions from sex - rather, you settle for emotionless sex rather than risking being alone, and that is sad, at least it seems that way to me.