So Confused! HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
So Confused! HELP!!!
2
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 1:26pm
Hi,

I have only dated two people. But the last guy I thought for sure was Mr. Right. Yeah he had a lot of flaws...but I was so in love with him. I gave him my virginity, but he broke up with me on terms of "I need to get my mind straight, I still really like you, you're perfect, we WILL try it again." He broke my heart. But we've been hanging out like three times since then. (almost 2 months now since he broke up with me) He doesn't seem to want to see me or talk to me on his own. but when we do it's great. Most of the time, sometimes he just stops talking and clams up, almost as if he's afraid. I still really love him, but I know he'll break my heart again if we do date again. Now his older cousin and I have really hit it off. He's alot more mature than my ex, and I feel like he won't hurt me so bad. But I'm scared 1) I still like my ex, and I feel like we could try it again, 2) I don't want to get hurt again, 3) It'd be so weird, becuase my ex and his cousin are good friends. But his cousin is so nice and treats me better than my ex ever did. What should I do?!

Cowgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 2:46pm
Hi dear,

These two cousins are not the only men in the world. You sound like you might be fairly young (18 - 23?), which is probably why you have only dated 2 guys. So, I say now is the time to get out there and date lots of guys! I don't mean you should have sex with all of them, but go out as much as you can and just have fun... coffee shops, movies, bowling, shows, dinner, talking and generally getting to know people.

I definitely believe you should either DROP the guy you've been seeing, or stop thinking of him as something serious. He doesn't want to commit to you and he sounds like he only wants a very casual relationship. That probably wouldn't be enough for you, and I understand that, because I can't do casual sex relationships either. So you probably would end up getting hurt again.

But I don't think it's a good idea to go after his cousin. That's just too close to home. Find someone else not related.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2004
Sun, 02-29-2004 - 9:13pm
Thanks for the help,

Yeah I am young, and you're right about the guy not wanting a serious relationship...his friends all tell me he still likes me alot...he just doesn't know what he wants in a relationship and so he is afraid to date because he doesn't want to hurt me again. I'm still so in love with him though...

anyways...his cousin and I are just friends...I told him that I can't date again yet. Which is true...I'm having alot of fun being with all my guy friends and not being tied down. But it seems hopeless that I'll ever get over my ex.