When men leave women "hanging"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
When men leave women "hanging"?
5
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 6:51pm
Question........why do men talk about a woman to all of his friends, have a great time with her on a date, call her everyday for a few weeks to see what she's up to, leave sweet messages on her voicemail each night, open doors for her, then all of a sudden.............stop calling, only to call once and say You were on my mind....and then stop calling again....for weeks.


Guys or ladies (if you have a clue) please explain this. It just doesn't make any sense!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 7:59pm
Is this about that same guy?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-25-2004 - 10:07pm
They do it because romance and flirting with no obligation is fun and harmless - not his fault that you decide to analyze it to mean interest in a committed relationship or anything long term - and not his fault that you decide to take all those calls and build expectations. Until a man tells me he wants to be exclusive I assume that a new relationship can end at any time- and if a man called me every day when he first met me or sent me flattering messages constantly I would feel stifled and see it as a red flag and be quickly turned off - that you are not tells me that you are probably needy and lonely neither of which is a healthy basis for a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 1:39am
It usually means the man has lost interest in you. It could be that he started seeing someone else, or he got back together with an old girlfriend, or, after a while he just decided that you two were not a match. Some guys come on really strong in the beginning as part of the pursuit. But they lose interest when they "have" you almost immediately, and without much effort on their part. Sorry to pull out this old cliche, but everybody does enjoy a little challenge.

If you find this is happening to you a lot... that guys are pursuing you hotly and then disappearing...you might want to reevaluate how YOU behave in the beginning of a dating relationship. Maybe you're giving off "clingy" signals that make men shy away from you.

I know it's confusing, because it was the man who was coming after YOU like gangbusters, after all. But don't read too much into that. Just because a man is calling every day doesn't mean he is the one you should be with. You can control how available you are. Just keep it light, don't expect too much and don't take them so seriously, until you both decide it is serious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 6:12pm
Well, for the record, I am not needy. We never had sex. I never chased after him in all the 6 years I've known him. He always asked me out and then I turned him down a few times, said yes a couple times and so on. I haven't returned his calls either so, I just don't get it. But I wasn't too available. My gut tells me that he still is involved with someone and it isn't quite over yet. But damn, to just leave me hanging is quite rude.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:53pm
My comments to you were based on your original question about "men." I didn't know you were referring to only one man.

If this is an isolated situation, I wouldn't spend any more time worrying over this guy. There was no commitment and no promise... just a couple of dates. So he was under no obligation to call you any more. A lot of people prefer to "fade away" when they lose interest, rather than make a big announcement.

And if he already has a girlfriend, why are you even worried about him at all? He's not worth another thought if he's trying to cheat.

There are plenty of men who are sincere and who will not leave you "hangin," unless you run them away, somehow.