Grief caused split????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Grief caused split????
1
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 3:32am
Hello,

Well about a month ago my ex ended our relationship. We had only been together about 8 months. However it was a very loving, wonderful, fun relationship. We lived together about 1/2 of that time and even spent one month in Europe traveling. It was excellent. We were in a long distance relationship for about a month when one of his best friends was killed in Iraq. A week later I went to visit. It was a great visit for 2 days and then he withdrew emotionally. Then he broke up with me. A shock to me. As he always said we would be together for a long time, granted that also scared the heck out of him. Anyway my question is could this be due to the death of a close friend? He also had to drop his college courses due to school missed for the trip home for the funeral. I feel as though I was possibly the only thing he felt he still had control over and wanted to exert some control over something in his life... Any ideas?

Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 7:27am
I don't think it matters why - and the why will only become relevant if he comes back for another chance at which time you will need to make sure why he doesn't think it will happen again. I think living together without at least being engaged, and doing so early on in a relationship, typically is a mistake. Life is full of emotional and other crises - 9/11 for example, death, etc - but a couple who is committed finds a way to not only stay together but usually strengthen their bond because of the crisis or as a result of it. You say he promised that you would be together - did he propose - did you have a wedding date? I am not saying he lied, he just told you how he felt then and did not back it up with a formal commitment because he wasn't ready for that.