Dating someone new

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Dating someone new
3
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 8:16am
I just met a man and we went out on our first date last week. We have talked on the phone a few times and are planning to go out again next week. While we were talking we both started lightly flirting and he made a comment regarding sex that I'm not uncomfortable about, but I didn't quite say what I really wanted to say to him at the time and now I do want to say something about it so he knows where I'm coming from. I'm not usually at a loss for words, but for some reason it caught me off guard. What is a tactful, but clear way to tell a guy you're interested in that sex in a new relationship will happen after we know each other more? I know I just said it, but I want to be able to tell him during the course of our night out and still have a nice evening, so he will know where I'm coming from. I don't want to avoid the issue and not say anything about it at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 9:08am
Since you've only been on one date w/him, I would just wait until it comes up again - either in conversation or a makeout session - and then say that you'd like to take things slowly physically.

Hard to say more than that w/o knowing what he said.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 9:36am
I am always very straightforward on that issue when the time comes when we have dated a few times and he wants to see my place or wants me to see his - if it is only a first date or second I likely am not going to his place or he coming to mine so it probably doesn't come up unless he brings it up. If he makes a comment about expecting sex early in a relationship I respond with "I don't have sex outside of a loving, committed relationship with potential for a future." When I say that I fully expect - and hope - that he will run for the hills of that is not where he is coming from - there is no way I want to try to change someone's attitude or to be with someone who doesn't think I'm worth the wait. I know I am worth the wait and have confirmed that many times both through men who have run for the hills and men who have been content to wait until I'm comfortable and continued to be very serious and loving. To one man, who invited me over to his place on the third date and mentioned that I could bring my toothbrush I said "I am not ready to have sex with you and I am not easy." We dated about 6 more weeks, at which point he got tired of my saying no and stopped calling and I was glad.

I don't believe in being nasty or harsh - but I do believe in being direct, and not apologetic at all and not wishy washy.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 10:40am

It's been my experience that men who talk about sex with me before we've even kissed are almost always looking for