A little respect

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
A little respect
4
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 8:54am
So, I've met this guy who appears to be great in every way - except 1. Maybe it's hard to get or what not, but I just would like a little more attention (hard to get is working). My main issue is that, well, tonight we have plans to go out. The plans are dinner and a night on the town and we're meeting around 6. Problem, he said he'd figure something out and get back to me on where to meet. That was Tuesday night. It's now Friday morning and I still don't know what the story is for tonight. How can I let him know that it'd be nice if he had gotten back to me earlier? I understand that he works really hard and I don't expect constant attention - it'd just be nice if he'd, I don't know, tell me where I'm going tonight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 9:54am
Exactly what you will have to do is ask him when the time comes that you need to know, for example, if he hasn't given you an answer by thursday evening for a friday night date, Remind him.

My guy is like this (he also works a lot) but... so am I!! Which kinda leaves making plans quite often unprepared, spur of the moment, or we just end up doing nothing but staying home (which considering how much we both work is good a lot of times) I know what it's like to be a procrastinator, I also know what it's like to not know whats going on with work, how long it'll last, or where I'll be when I'm done and how difficult is sometimes can be to pin down a time and place more than a few hours in advance. I know my guy's schedule is quite the same (which trying to MATCH our times and places can be quite the task too!) I also am secure in the fact that even though we don't have plans or a time to meet set in stone, that I will always see him on the weekends, or a weekday that we've discussed the previous weekend. If for some reason one of us is unable to be with the other during our "usual time" we do let the other know. We are probably better at making plans NOT to see each other than setting dates and time TO SEE each other! LOL


Anyway, I'd figure by the evening before, or at the very least that days morning (if it's an evening date) he should be able to set a time and place to meet you.... But like I said, he may just need some reminding that YOU need to know whats going on so that you can prepare yourself, your day & your own time accordingly. I also wouldn't consider this to be disrespect, just a different train of thought than you are used to.

The other possibility is that he's putting you off, and perhaps doesn't really plan on seeing you. You'll have to trust your gut feeling on that one. good luck! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:11am
I think it's fine that as long as you know the time and the type of plan and that the location is accessible, he does not need to let you know exactly where in advance. In contrast, last minute plans - which this is not - can be disrespectful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:13pm
I understand your anxiety. I would be a bit nervous too if I hadn't heard from a guy I'm supposed to be going out with tonight since Tuesday!! And it would be nice to know where you were meeting, before the day of the date. How did you arrange things for your previous dates with him, or would this be your first date?

Anyway, I hope you have heard from him by now, and that your meeting place is all set. But I don't think that he was trying to be disrespectful... he probably just thinks it's fine to call you up right before the date to say "Let's meet at Starbucks" or whatever. If this is a problem for you, you'll have to let him know, as gently as you can, that you like to have more information before the date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:30pm
Different people feel differently on this issue. Some people are fine with last minute plans and being spontaneous. Others, like me (and maybe you?) like to know details ahead of time so we can make plans. Everyone's busy, whether it's work, kids, friends, activities, etc. Short notice sometimes can't be helped. But when it can be helped, I think it's just common courtesy to let someone know what the plan is. I think you need to let him know you're not a spontaneous, last minute person (if that's the case) so at least he knows that. Many times workaholics are more focused on their work than on their relationships. As time goes on, take that into consideration in deciding if this is working for you or not (b/c if that's the case it's not going to change anytime soon). Good luck.