First Date Nerves
Find a Conversation
First Date Nerves
| Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:18am |
THE GOOD NEWS:
I finally got up the nerve to ask my crush out to dinner - the only time I've ever asked a guy out (I'm a bit of a traditionalist & a southern gal, as well). So we hopefully will be going out on Saturday night (he said he'd call so we could figure out when, where, etc...so I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much b/c my last boyfriend never came over or called when he said he would). Anyway.
I finally got up the nerve to ask my crush out to dinner - the only time I've ever asked a guy out (I'm a bit of a traditionalist & a southern gal, as well). So we hopefully will be going out on Saturday night (he said he'd call so we could figure out when, where, etc...so I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much b/c my last boyfriend never came over or called when he said he would). Anyway.
THE BAD NEWS:
People always seem to think I'm this confident kind of girl - I think it's safe to say I'm at least witty - but I don't feel this way at all and I am actually nervous most of the time. I'm scared of awkward silences if we run out of things to say.
Also, should I pay or should we split the bill since I asked him out? If I don't hear from him by Sat. should I call him or just let it go? I know I'll be seeing him next week anyway b/c he is in this class I'm taking. I'm confused.
Edited 2/27/2004 11:20:49 AM ET by dykmanad

Bad news: Being nervous all the time is not good. You should figure out why, either through soul searching or enlisting the help of a good therapist (we can almost all benefit from doing that). Until you can be at least somewhat confident and secure in who you are as a person, you won't be as able to be a healthy part of a healthy relationship.
Paying: I think you asked him to have dinner, you should pay. But let him ask for the next date and if he does, let him pay for that one.
Should I just offer anyway?
I'm curious - why didn't you wait for him to ask you out and why do you think he didn't?
If he doesn't call by 3 PM tomorrow I would make other plans and tell him you assumed he couldn't make it. Now that you've done the pursuing if he doesn't show significant enthusiasm I would move on.
We've only seen each other twice during our class and he seems like a shy or reserved person...so I didn't think it'd be a big deal to ask him to go to dinner.
Conversation . . . just relax and be yourself. You can always find something to talk about with someone who you don't know! Talk about current events, sports, your backgrounds - where he's from, what he's studying, where he has traveled, where he'd like to go, hobbies, etc. If you hit an awkward silence, hey, talk about the weather! It's a cliche but it works.
One more thing. I think it is a mistake to go into this date expecting this guy to make the same mistakes as your ex. He is not your ex. Expect him to treat you well, and don't tolerate it if he doesn't.