Is he playing games?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Is he playing games?
5
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:35am
Good morning to all,

here is my story, I have been working at my current job (which is not related to my field of work) for about 6 months now and over the past 4 months, I met a man at work who seemed ineterested in me (unless I'm blind and totally out of touch with reality) at least I thought that he was. He used to come to talk to me everyday after work, invited me for lunch, wanted to know every little detail about my life. He even asked me for a date last month, but unfortunately that day, I already had something else planned.

I also heard by several collegues at work that he is very single (not dating anyone). He is 43 y/o I'm 31. But 2 days ago, I told him that I had an interview for an engineering job (my field of work) at another company, yesterday morning. So on the spot he wished me good luck and seemed happy for me.

As soon as I was done with the interview, I got to work yesterday afternoon. I noticed a change in him. He was taking his lunch break in the cafeteria which is just beside the employees locker room. As soon as I entered he saw me and gave me the coldest look. He didn't even aknowledge the big smile that I gave him. After I put my coat in the locker room and walked back near the door where he was sitting, he was rubbing the back of another woman very affectionately while looking at me straght in the eyes. (he is affectionate with everyone at work).

Also later during the day, he sent me an email to ask how my interview went. I told him that it went very well. So out of the blue, during the conversation, he tells me that he has a girlfriend who loves him to death....? Something that he never mentioned before.

I started to develop feelings for this man, but I'm wondering, was he playing games all along...?

All advices will be welcomed, thanks for reading me.




Edited 2/27/2004 2:38:24 PM ET by abiyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:41am
Yes, he is playing games. Manipulative games - for who can imagine what reason. You can't figure it out unless he wants to be honest about why the change in attitide. But I'm guess he doesn't want to be honest or he would not be trying to make you guess what is going on like this. I'd forget about him.

But good luck with the JOB! Don't let this guys weird and unexplainable behavior overshadow a possibly very positive thing.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 12:30pm
No, he wasn't playing any games. You jumped to conclusions about him and made assumptions that had no real basis. You say he "seemed interested". At least you "thought" he was. Did he ever actually as you out on a date? Did he ever say he had romantic feelings for you? Did he ever do anything other than be very friendly at work? This doesn't mean he's "interested" in you. The only way you know he is interested in you is when he asks you out on a real date or says he's interested.

In any case, his behavior does seems strange, especially for someone 41, so this shold tell you that he's not someone worth worrying about. If you developed "feelings" for him based on your assumptions, I'd suggest you try and forget him now based on the inconsistent and confusing signals he's giving you.

Don't allow him to engage you in this nonsense any more. I would suggest ignoring him and his emails in the future. If he approaches you, be polite and then break off the contact.




Edited 2/27/2004 12:33:30 PM ET by krn2004

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:22pm
firstamendment and krn2004 thank you both for your replies, it is very much appreaciated. To answer your question krn2004, he did ask me out on a date last month but I already had something else planned. But I will follow both of your advices (it's not like I have another choice anyways, lol)

a Great week-end to both of you! ;-)

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:39pm
What a strange man.

My only thought is that he wanted to have a little fun but didn't want to have a little fun for fear of being caught.

At any rate, move on and forget the smut. You're better than him.

He was fun and games type of man. I've been through this too. Just move on and hold your head high because you're better than that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 1:40pm
He was friendly and never asked you out on a proper date - where is the game playing - you wished he was interested in dating you, and he wasn't and he never said he was.