relationship is Frozen. Please help!
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| Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:21pm |
Hi all. I thought I'd come here to get some advise on how to go about dealing with a situation with my boyfriend.
Our relationship has come to a standstill, literally. and i am distressed. he has disappeared from the scene. We live 2 minutes away from each other, and we havent seen each other for the last 2 weeks! this has never happened in our 2 year long relationship. i have spent the last 2 weeks, crying, waiting for him SO much. Expecting and getting diappointed.
Here's a short history: since the very beginning, we have been having fights over trivial as well as major issues. What makes it worse is, he is not the communicating types(altho a very committed, and devoted person who wants to get married to me) at all, which drives me crazy. And i am very much the "express everything" types. So there goes our major incompatibility. Plus, he has a little temper problem, gets impatient very soon, becomes very sensitive, and ends up saying mean things to me (which i believe he doesnt mean, and he later confides he really doesnt mean them) in his anger, & he later comes to say sorry. He has had a major problem with my past when i was confused about whether he really was my bf, and got interested in other people. And he brings up my past in almost ALL fights! i have apologized to him about my confusion earlier in our relaionship, and i think it is high time he gets over it.
Another thing that I am not able to accept is his needing space everytime we get into a fight. He disapears for a day or 2(not even calling me), and returns in a happier more calmer mood, as if nothing has happened. and then, after that, he doesnt even wanna discuss what went wrong! he thinks we should not go over what happened, coz it will spoil our moods again, and we will get into a fight again. so the issues get sweeped under the carpet.
So the weird cycle has been thus: i cannot make a decision about marrying him until we get over these fights completely, and he is always upset everytime i say that i havent made a decision. so thus continues the cycle. we r both literally frozen in this stupid cycle.
after this last fight, i wrote him a long email about how i want him to change in certain areas, for me to continue with him. after that email, i expected him to think bout it, and then come to me, resolving to make some changes. but no...i hv been waiting forever for him. i guess he shd know that the ball's in his court ! i have NO idea what he is thinking, what he has decided. He disappeared without saying a word to me. Do you all think it's fair..? i dont think his behavior is fair to our relationship at all. That's the whole problem, that he doesnt communicate.
I would absolutely appreciate ur opinions on what i shd DO..?
i am trying my best to keep myself busy, and waiting for him. i have thot several times to make the first move and visit him, but am i wrong to wait for HIM, as the ball's in his court, after the email i wrote to him?
I really dont know what to do. This is getting to be a very tense situation and I really dont know what decision to take about him and the relationship at this point. Shd i wait for him? or shd i take the initiative to meet him?
Please help...

You yourself admit you're incompatible. If you choose to remain in this anyway, knowing that, then it's you who is responsible for the pain you're feeling, not him. We all must accept responsibility for the consequences of our own choices.
Bad choices = unhappiness, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, pain.
Wise choices = happiness, satisfaction and contentment.
Good luck.