SHOULD I CALL ? OR WAIT??!!! HELP

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
SHOULD I CALL ? OR WAIT??!!! HELP
8
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 4:55pm
Okay boys and girls.. this may be a long one but i would really like some advice and help.

So i met this boy a few months back and we hung out a few times but we only ever hangout late at nite because we are both so busy and we never end up making plans till about 11 at night so we usally just watch movies or talk and hang out.

So he has been out of town for about 2 weeks and got home last night (thurday) at bout 11.. BUT wed night he text message me saying he was coming home thurs and wanted to see me and that he would call when he got home. Sooo when thursday came i was on MSN and he came on and we began to talk and he said that he wanted to do something but was sooo tired and lazy that he just going to stay home. So we were talking on msn , and i said that i porlly ownt see him for a long time, and he said that he will see me this weekend, and i explianed to him that i had plans already and he was like I will see you saturday at the bar (we both have plans to go to the same bar) and i said i would be there with my two firends and plan to stay with them all night. Then he was all like well you can sneak away from them for a bit to come see me. And i said maybe. Then near the end of the convo he was like call me tomorrow after work and well maybe but i think i am staying in tomorrow, and he said 'i dont care phone me okay.. you never phone me, so its your turn' ........NOW NOW heres the problem i dont know if i should phone,, is that to clingy if i phone??? And the other times that i have phoned him he never answer cause its to noisy where he is... and i have no idea if this guy actually likes me or is playing head games!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!! should i call or wait and see him saturday night at the bar?????

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 6:03pm
He asked you to call so calling would not come off as clingy. If he doesn't answer, leave a quick message "Hi, just calling to say hello, I'll see ya Saturday night" or something. I also think you should call because the conversations that you've shared with us make it sound like you're not interested. I would not protest so much when he says he wants to see you or wants you to call. It doesn't sound clingy, it sounds like you don't like him at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 6:14pm
First of all, I don't think your question is clear. Because you already said that you DO call this young man. It's just that when you called him, he didn't answer the phone.

"And the other times that i have phoned him he never answer cause its to noisy where he is..."

So I assume you have been calling him at his job? And now you want to know if you should call him at home, or would that be considered "clingy?" Well, from what you have posted, he was very insistent that you call him. So I don't see how you making one call to his home could possibly be considered "clingy." But here's the thing: you make ONE call and leave a message on his v-mail. Then you wait for him to return your phone call. If he doesn't get back to you, it's his loss, and you move on.

Nobody said you should NEVER call a man, if that's what you want to do. It's perfectly fine to return a guy's phone calls, to call because you said you would, or, you call every once in a while just to say "hi." Those kinds of phone calls aren't "pursuing"... they are just being polite and friendly. You can't have a friendship if one person is making ALL the effort and the other person is just coasting along, doing all the receiving.

What I DON'T do (and others may disagree with me) is call and ask a man out. And I don't call a man to thank him for a first date. The way I was raised, the gentleman calls to thank the lady for that first evening. After that, I still let the man do most of the calling and almost ALL the asking for dates. (That seems to be how men prefer it.. they want to pursue) But after we've been out several times, I usually feel comfortable enough that I can approach HIM with an idea for a date.

So go ahead and call the guy. He has done his part by calling you and asking you to call him. The only way you will know whether he's sincere is to call and see how he reacts.

Good luck.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 7:03pm
Okay i think i left to much of the backround info out!!!

Me and this guy met about 2 months ago, and he was sending mix signals liek crazy!! One day he would be like 'o like you and want to see' and then next night would barley say two words to me. So i was sooo confused and he always seemed to call at like3 or 4 in the morning!! So i asked for advice from my friends and they all said i should play hard to get... like dont make myself so available to him as much as i do. SOo then just yesterday when i he got home, i decided to try that. So last night when he was all like call me call me i dont know if i should call him and say whats up, or if i should just text him and say hey, whats up, i am doing ___ tongiht or if i should wait till tomorrow and see how things go once we are in person.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 7:10pm
I don't think he's that into you as a candidate for a relationship - if he were he would do his best to make advance plans for a proper date - where he put in the effort to plan a nice evening. I think you should hold out for someone who treats you like a lady, not someone who comes over late at night to hang out and text messages you instead of picking up the phone to call you.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 8:12pm
The thing is though is that i dont even want a relationship.. i was/am totally happy being single but then i met this guy i get along with him really really well and we have fun when we hang out. So i guess i like hanging out with him and i would 'date' him casually but nothing to serious. As well i moving away in Aug and he is moving away in Oct so we both know this is never something would last long we are just having fun. But for so long i have been going with the flow and now at this point i iether want things to progess somewhat or just stop!!!! But i dont know how to let him know this, and i dont want to come across to 'strongly'. The reason we havent gone on any real "dates" is becuase i work every night tell 930, so i dont get home till 10 by the time i shower and he comes over its like 1130 so we just stay in and watch a movie! And on the weekend i like to go out with my friends and he likes to go out with his.. usally we end up meetin up casue we see one another at the bar, and he always ask to do something after the bar but i usally say no .. becuase we have both been drinking and i rather go home alone then with him! haha.. not that i dont find him attractive i am just not ready to sleep with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 9:19pm
I think you need to get really clear on what you want and be honest with yourself - if it were me and I didn't like someone enough - and he didn't like me enough - to go out alone with me on weekends and the priority was instead to go to a bar to hang out - I wouldn't see what the point would be of progressing beyond occasional hanging out. I also think you may want to seek a more varied social life - with people who like to do more interesting things on the weekend then go to bars and get drunk.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 9:49pm
I know what i want! I know what i like, and what i look for in a partner. He is what i like in the opposite sex.. i just dont know if continuing it is smart... 1] i am moving in a few months for school and 2] i dunno how he feels about me.

Also i feel my priority are just fine!!! I work monday - friday so the weekends are my time for myself and seeing my firends that i dont see all week. Me and this boy arent anything.. we are just getting to know one another so why would i put him above my friends.. who i have been friends with for years????? They come first! and as for me going to the bar that is what i found fun at this time in my life And its not like i go ther every friday and saturday.. i go maybe every other saturday.. and i dont even drink all the time!!! I am very happy in my life, and with where it is going. All i wanted to know what if i should call this guy tonight or wait and see him tomorrow. I am not looking for a serious relationship with him, just to have some fun before i leave my hometown forever!!!!

but thanks anyways

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:07pm
When I was 19 I was in a serious long term relationship and then when that ended I started dating a really nice man - and of course I saw him on the weekends alone - my friends all understood that building a serious relationship was a priority and that saturday nights typically were date night - there were other times to see/talk to my girlfriends. If you believe that your friends, and the bar scene are more important than this guy and you are moving in a few months anyway then I would not do anything in the way of trying to increase the seriousness - because that would be deceptive on your part - you would be giving him the impression that he is important to you when seeing your friends and going to a bar is your priority on weekends right now.

My suggestion - find an interest - whether it's working backstage for the college theater, a sport, hiking, yoga, a musical instrument, the debate team - and meet new people who don't just congregate at bars - you are more likely to make friends that way who you can grow with because you will have a common interest other than bars and gossip - go to the bars once a month or less and find other things to do - it will make you a more interesting person and you can expand your social circle. Just two cents from an old lady of 37.