Is He Interested or Is He Just Nice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Is He Interested or Is He Just Nice
1
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 10:42pm
Hi! Gotta get some advice cuz its driving me nuts. Sorry, I tend to ramble & this may be long. Let me give you a quick background: I'm 31 & just ended a 7 1/2 year relationship. We broke up 6 months ago, but I just moved out about a week ago (trips, work conflicts, etc). My ex & I are both antique dealers & sell our items in a large antique mall.

There is a guy that works there (we'll call him Bill) that I really like. I met him about 4 years ago & liked him. The more I've talked to him the more I like him. When my ex & I broke up I knew I wanted to pursue dating Bill. I want to go out w/him in the WORST WAY!!! My ex likes Bill, thinks hes a nice guy. He actually found out that I liked Bill. He wasn't thrilled, but admitted that Bill & I would make a good match. Bill is currently single (I've seen him have a few girlfriends over the years) & I know hes lonely & wants to have a girlfriend. I've spoken to 2 other women who I'm friends with & work with Bill & they both said hes a great guy & that we would make a cute couple. One even said that years ago she thought Bill & I should be dating. As far as I know one of them hasn't said anything to him, the other may have. They both said that he is shy & I needed to ask him out. I've been talking to him more & more when I go into the antique mall. I went in this past Monday & he hung a light fixture for me. I asked him what he needed me to do & he touched my shoulder & told me I didn't have to do anything. It just happened that it was dealer work night (they close the mall at 6:00 & let the dealers work until 8:00). They had wine & snacks & he spent the majority of the 2 hours in my booth. We had a couple of glasses of wine & talked about all sorts of stuff. We have tons of things in common & our personalities seem to match very well (both seem to be easy going, "live & let live" type of thing). At 8:00 I was getting ready to leave & he apologized for monopolizing my time & not letting me get any work done (RIGHT, like I was in there to WORK!! I find excuses to go in there & see him!!). He said he really enjoyed talking to me & that I was very easy to talk to. He ended up having to do something as I was leaving, but I had the very distinct feeling that we should have been going out afterward. Anyway, I went in the next day & did some work in my booth. We talked some more & I ended up asking him to go to happy hour after work. He said he'd like to, but he was supposed to pick up a new pet parrot that night & asked if we could reschedule for Wednesday night. So I went in to the mall Wednesday around 5:00. His brother was the manager at the mall & it turned out that corporate came in & fired him (the brother/manager) that afternoon. So he was really mad & upset. I asked if he wanted to postpone happy hour & he said "yeah, I was going to ask you if that would be OK". I said OK & he asked if I was sure. I said "yeah, it kind of sucks, but I totally understand". So I told him to just let me know when he wanted to go. I'm afraid that by saying it sucked that he couldn't go that it made it obvious that I really wanted to go out with him. Up until then happy hour could've been taken as 2 friends going to get a margarita & chips. He said the corporate people were going to be in again on Thursday, so I waited until today (friday) to take some things in. I saw him & he said hi & then walked by my booth about 15 mintues later. (Seems like if he was really interested, he would've come over to talk to me). He was just walking by & I stopped him & asked him how things were going (he said miserable, that his brother was still really upset by being fired, etc). We talked for about 20 mintues (about work, personal stuff, etc). No mention of happy hour. I talked to one of the women again & told her I thought I made a huge ass of myself by asking him out. She said no, hes still pretty upset about his brother & today was the first day he started really being friendly again. She said to wait a week or so & see what happens. She has been giving me really good advice sofar. But part of me thinks that if he was interested in me, he would've at least set up happy hour or whatever for next week or something. Now its just up in the air (kind of up to him at this point) & I dont think its gonna happen. I was 90% sure he liked me, but I've been off the market for almost 8 years & maybe my perceptions are off. How do I know if he is interested or just being friendly & likes talking to me? I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY like this guy. I've liked him for YEARS now. I realize that I've been thinking about him for a while as a potential date & he (as far as I know) has thought of me as a some-what friend who dated my ex for 7 years. Any ideas here? I have no patience at all!! I really want to know if he is open to this maybe being more, but I hate to ask. I'm afraid that I'm going to just have to tell him that I like him & want to get to know him better, but I dont want to have to do that. Do you think hes just dense & doesn't know that I like him? Or do you this he is interested, but shy or just not interested at all. I realize I'm talking like I'm 13, but I REALLY like this guy & think we could really work out. HELP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 10:53pm
It doesn't sound like he's shy at all from all the chatting he did with you and at first agreeing to go to happy hour with you. I know it sucks, but I don't think he's that into you - if he were he would have made an effort to ask you out on a proper date in advance. My guess is he sees you as a friend but not more for now and he might like to be the pursuer and he might be put off a little by your taking his role in a way. I don't think you did anything wrong, I just think you need to accept that for now he sees you as a buddy not a potential date - this could change, but not by you talking to him - just continue to be warm and friendly - platonically- and he may see you in a different light in the future. If you ask him how he feels about you he likely will say he is not ready for a relationship right now - and you won't know if he means generally, or with you, and then he likely will not feel comfortable being friends because he will know that you want more.