Did I really screw up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Did I really screw up?
5
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 11:42pm
Hey all, I need some advice. It's been a while since I've dated and I'm really feeling unsure of myself right now. I met someone online about a month or so ago via eharmony. We exchanged emails for about a week and then talked on the phone a couple times. We met for the first time this past Monday and had a nice dinner. After dinner, he asked about getting together again and I told him I'd like that. He was traveling this past week so we exchanged a brief email and he called me mid-week to make plans for this evening. We went out for a pizza, saw a movie, and then stopped (at his suggestion) for coffee afterward. When he brought me home, we both said we enjoyed the evening and he mentioned getting together again soon. He has not tried to even kiss me (which I would be fine with)and only went so far as to put his arm around me when we were walking to/from the coffee shop. For lack of better wording, he his very much a gentleman. I don't sense a disinterest but rather sense his desire not push things too far on the first couple dates. Does that make sense?

Here's where I'm hoping (really hoping) I didn't just screw this up. When we went to the movie tonight, I offered to buy the tickets since he has bought dinner both nights we went out. I did it for no other reason than to be nice (or so I thought) He said he didn't expect me to pay for anything but thanked me for getting the tickets. I was just being me, really. I'm not used to anyone paying my way all the time and have always, at some point, at least offered to share the cost. I know, not the smartest thing but don't yell at me too much! He didn't seem offended and it was after the movie that he suggested coffee and then mentioned getting together again soon.

Am I just thinking too much about this? Should I just not worry about it and wait for him to contact me again to go out? I like this guy and I think we have a chance at something. If I'm reading him right, and reading his body language right, I think he's interested in me also. I know I sound like a teenager but I'm really out of practice. This is the first guy I've met in a long time I really like. So forgive me for sounding dumb. But I'd really appreciate some views from those of you with a little more experience. Last time I dated someone, it ended badly. I don't want to screw this up before it really has a chance.

Thanks for letting me ramble.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 12:53am

I'm a little confused, are you asking if you screwed up by paying for the movie tickets?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 3:24am
As usual, I agree with Sheri!

Next few times, let him pay :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 7:26am
I think it's fine that you paid for the tickets - i do not like the concept of eharmony at all because it focuses on emailing first - I like to exchange one to two emails at the most to get a phone number, then speak once and then meet so that I can do safety and whether we click type screenings but not get too attached. I have had dates like you described - and better - with no call - and mediocre-unpleasant dates with a call - you never know and you need to have a thick skin - or develop one - and not take it personally if there is no call. I've also been asked out for second dates where there was no follow up at all. Let him do most of the pursuing in the beginning - if you thanked him for the date, don't follow up with a call or email - the ball is in his court.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 7:49am
I agree with the other posters - you did nothing wrong. I usually don't offer to pay on the first few dates, but I have done it in the past and I can't say that it has made a difference one way or the other. My only rule is that I don't offer unless I truly want to pay.

I think you are over-analyzing and stressing yourself out way too much. Just go out on dates and be yourself and have fun! Don't worry about every little thing. You will have much more fun that way and you will leave your dates with a better impression of you.

Like Deena said, I think you should continue to see other people b/c it sounds like right now you are focusing way too much mental energy on this one guy, who you barely know.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 8:43am
Thanks all. I'm not focusing on just this one guy. I've still been talking to others and have met two other guys in the past two weeks. This is the first one in a long time I've felt at this an initial connection to. I know it's way too early to make assumptions about where this is or could be going. But it is still a little exciting to meet someone with whom you click on the first dates. I'll see what happens from here. I think I was just over thinking everything last night because it just happened. The light of a new day and all of you have made me see it more clearly. I had a good time last night. From what he said, he did too. Now I'll just wait and see what happens. I'll possibly have plans to meet someone else this week, depends on our schedules.

Again, thanks all!