Whats a girl to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
Whats a girl to do?
7
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 1:27am
Okay, Im new to this one people but I need some advice. My boyfriend are together I guess 4 years, we broke up for 2 months last year. He was seeing someone. We ended up getting back together after 2 months of hell. I pushed all my friends away for him. We have been back together for 6 months. We have been fighting this whole week. He is gone out tonight he said he was going out with his sister but I talked to his sister tonight and she is covering for him. My boyfriend sells cars and he started talking to a younger girl whom he sold a car this past week. He came home late on his early day. On his day off I was at work and he came to see me at work, he left and told me he was going to help a friend he works with move some furniture. All well and fine, he never came home until 5 hours later to help his "friend" move 2 loads of furniture. I cleaned my bedroom the night before and when I went to throw something in the garbage there was 2 movie tickets in the garbage. Now they werent mine cause I was working and when I came home from work I waited for him to get home so we can go out and go through with our plans for the night. So we fought the whole night. The next day he came to visit me at work again, which I had a gut feeling he would come in to see me since I told everyone I work with what was going on. Anyways, while he was there at work a floral shop delivered flowers to my work for me from him... is that a big guilt conscience thing since he knows the movie tickets in my garbage werent mine?

Now last night he came home from work at 830 brought pizza home to eat, he ate his pizza and he was hungry for ice cream. He had to go to a store for ice cream. This morning when he was in the shower I checked his dialed calls in his cell phone. Thats when I realized he was talkin to someone. I copied the 2 numbers cell, and house. And tonight he didnt wanna sit in with me but he didnt wanna go out cause he "didnt feel good" so he was going to his sisters house to see her. I called this girls phone number and she told me she was on her way out coincidentally when he left my house she told me she knows him cause he sold her a car this week. I forgot to ask her since he deal is done already with her car sale why she is still talkin to my boyfriend since he called her last night at twenty to ten.??? Both of them are lying. I dont remember the last time my boyfriend told me he loves me....it makes me sick thinking that I am sitting in while he is out having a good time with her. Whats a girl to do????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 3:30am
What's a girl to do?

Get a backbone and ditch his sorry a$$, that's what.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 7:20am
A girl like you is to stop invading his privacy by going through his phone - if you don't trust him you shouldn't be with him and of course you know that giving up your friends for anyone is not healthy and the person you do it for likely will not respect you for it - do you even respect yourself? Tell him you want no contact with him unless and until he wants an exclusive relationship and can explain why he cheated and why it will never ever happen again. I don't think he'll be able to. And it is time for you to get a life - friends, interests, activities - healthy ones, so you stop depending on a man for your whole life and stooping to invading his privacy the way you have been.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 8:05am
I think you know what to do.

You are snooping on this guy left and right. I think that anytime you find yourself snooping, that means that you don't trust him. That lack of trust can be rooted in your own insecurities or his distrustful behavior. In this case it's probably a combination of the two - he cheated on you so why would you trust him? Why would you want to be in a relationship w/o trust? Doesn't it feel empty and lonely? Why not find someone who will treat you with respect and who you can trust?

I also think it's a bad sign any time you find yourself giving up friends or outside interests. In a healthy relationship you each have your own friends and interests. You sound very unhappy, and I don't think you will ever be happy with this guy.

I'd dump him yesterday.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2004
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 9:07am
Thanks! I appreciate the reply back from you. I know thats what I should do but I cant stand being alone. And even more then that I cant stand going a day without him in my life. He screwed me and went out when my friend was over and we started playing a boardgame cause he knew I wouldnt push my friend away since she was there so he left my house around 9 pm cause he said there was nothing to do so he was going to go to his sisters house but, he never ended up going there. She called me twice last night after I called her. He never called me until 330 am for his work clothes for work this morning. Yeah, I forgot to mention that I still live at home and he stays here with my mother and I for FREE. Makes good money at his job and stays for free. Like I said I know I should get rid of him but I am madly inlove with him Im with him 4 and a half years. But I am only 20 years old....??
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 9:35am
It is a TERRIBLE idea to stay with someone just so that you won't be alone. I am 34 and have been in many relationships but have also spent plenty of time alone - and it didn't kill me! In fact I have learned a lot about myself and other people in the time I have spent alone, and it makes the relationships I have more special.

You are young and have plenty of time to date and be in relationships. Why not spend a little time alone getting over this relationship (after you dump him) and getting to know yourself?

This guy is using you for free room and board, I think. He is benefitting greatly from being with you - free place to live, someone to hang out with when he has nothing better to do, and he still goes out w/whoever he wants. What are YOU getting out of this? I think you are getting table scraps. If you settle for table scraps, that is what you will get.

You deserve better, sweetie. It's great that you recognize that you should dump him - now just do it. It may be hard at first but in the long run you will be much happier.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 4:34pm
I am 33 and it took me until now to realize that you can NEVER EVER EVER have a healthy relationship if you cannot stand to be alone. In fact, you can't probably have a healthy relationship until you HAVE BEEN alone for a period of time and learned how to make yourself happy and fulfilled. Having someone else make you happy will always fail. And being in love with him doesn't matter. You need more than love to be happy.

Dump him now, and don't date anyone else until you are a happy, secure single person... or risk waking up in your mid-thirties realizing that what I am saying now is true and you've just wasted 15 years of your life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2003
Sat, 02-28-2004 - 9:59pm
I read somewhere that 80% of the time, its the woman who ends the relationship.

Sorry to tell you, but one of the bad games a dude will play is to not cut off contact with a girl he is sincerely no longer interested in. Why? I guess another source of sex.

Just end it, and cut off contact.