Bad boy appeal: is there any truth in it
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Bad boy appeal: is there any truth in it
| Thu, 03-18-2004 - 9:42pm |
I'm posting on the behalf of a friend of mine, a gorgeous Italian guy who has troubles with girls. He's very kind, sensitive, intelligent, caring, attentive but girls label him a nice guy and dump him.
He thinks that girls fall for bad boys and being called a nice guy is the kiss of death.
Please fell me in (and him) on what is the truth about it. How bad is attractive and how much is outirght scary.
Do you think he should change?
He thinks that girls fall for bad boys and being called a nice guy is the kiss of death.
Please fell me in (and him) on what is the truth about it. How bad is attractive and how much is outirght scary.
Do you think he should change?

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I know men who are conventionally handsome who are not confident and therefore are not attractive to women and average looking guys who have sparkle and confidence and presence who are very attractive to women.
Here's a great thread on the whole "nice guy" myth:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlunderstand&msg=8195.1&ctx=0
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/46/story_4620_1.html
My opinion is that women prefer assertive men to doormats. Don't know if this fellow is a doormat but if so he will need to find himself one of those take-charge type ladies who likes a man she can walk all over! Don't worry...they're out there! Iri
What do you think? He sounds like a great guy to me. Why wouldn't you be interested in him?
What he can do is still remain a "nice guy" so that another "nice girl" will find him someday. But he should stop putting time and effort into the wrong type of girl. He should give certain aspects of himself only when he feels that his object of affection deserves them. He shouldn't be so eager to please unless his girlfriend is!
We all want someone who challenges us, keeps us on our toes, a bit... who has his own agenda... who doesn't "give in" all the time... someone who is self-confident. That doesn't mean he has to be a "bad" boy! As a matter of fact, I run FAR away from guys who can't be trusted, relied upon, or who feel compelled to have sex with as many women as possible, simultaneously. Guys who think it's OK to hurt or neglect me DO NOT interest me at all.
I am also not interested in some LOSER guy with no job and no ambition, or somebody who is into illegal things. That's MY definition of a bad boy, and I want no parts of him.
Bottom line: I think some women find the bad boy type intriguing and exciting, for a minute. But a mature woman with a healthy dose of self esteem will not stay with a bad boy for long. He's kind of like an really scary amusement park ride... kind of fun for a minute, but you're glad when the ride is over and you made it out in one piece!
Some woman like a man who is rugged, rides a Harley so to speak, lives on the edge, etc. primarily because there is some aspect of excitement involved. Not that a nice guy can't be exciting, but rather they are too accomodating to women taking all the allure and intrique away. I would say most woman who date a bad boy rarely settle down with them and if they do it doesn't last, because by then the woman is now wanting all the things a nice guy possesses. So I would convey to your Italian Stallion that his time will come and a woman will see his gifted qualities for what they truly are. If he changes, he would only find love most likely temporarily.
But to admit, I fall for more assertive guys.
I wouldn't take the stuff about blonde surfer girls too seriously. At one time, I thought I didn't care for blondes. Then I fell for one harder than I'd ever fallen before!
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