I think I have a problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
I think I have a problem
6
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:11pm
Hi,I'm hoping I'm on the right board -- I have a question and really need some opinions.

I've been dating a great guy from 8 months where we have been seeing eachother regularly on weekends and ussually once or twice a week.

Last weekend, he made plans for Saturday with a friend, and didn't really let me know till right before. I was alittle upset but more for the short notice, because I would have made other plans.

Well he just calls me at work to see if I want to go to the movies tonight -- I said, no why don't we go tomorrow (Saturday), because I have to work late tnight and it's just too rushed to go after work on Friday. He said "oh I think Jeff wants to rent movies".

I'm sick to my stomach, mad and very anxious right now. I'm I overreacting? Being paranoid that I am getting that brush off?

I want to know if I should say something tonight, I want to say something, but I don't what to sound possessive when I say it.

Should I just relax and deal with it or is this a warning sign he wants space?

What should I say tonight??

Thank you so much -- Amy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:23pm
""I was alittle upset but more for the short notice, because I would have made other plans. ""

Why woudn't have you made other plans????? He did. It's not like he ditch you for his friend.

Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:38pm
I think you have a right to be mad. Granted he has a right to hang out with his friends too, but instead of making plans with you first, he called his friend Jeff, obviously Jeff is more important than you, WHY?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 4:30pm
Just tell him exactly how you feel, without sounding over dramatic. It's not a serious thing, but it makes you feel bad, that's the point. Let him know how you felt and most importantly tell him how you feel about HIM. This way there's nothing left in the dark and explain to him how you feel the weekends were kind of like your time together to be expected and looked foward to. And then explain that it's absolutely fine that he wants to hang out with other friends, and ask if it's possible for him to just give you a heads up in advance so you could make plans with your friends. The most important thing is to express your feelings in a seucure way (meaning not sounding pathetic), that way he understands why you react a certain way and he could do the same in return.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:11pm

,Hi


You are definitely on the right board.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 8:19pm
I do not tolerate disrespectful behavior like that. I was treated like that a few years ago with a guy I had been dating for 7 weeks - he had been treating me wonderfully and all of a sudden that changed - he blew me off last minute to hang out with friends leaving me to scramble with other plans, and then a few days later, he didn't even bother to ask if I would need to eat before going to the theater, just said "I'm not hungry so we'll just grab a snack." I never had a chance to discuss it with him since 3 days later on New Years eve, he got drunk in front of his parents and me acted rude to me and walked out on me right after midnight and blew me off for brunch the next day. I did not return his half hearted apology call.

Nip this in the bud - tell him that from now on if you make plans you expect him to keep them unless there is an emergency. Unless you have standing plans every weekend, make other plans if he doesn't let you know by wednesday evening if the two of you have plans and do not accept last minute plans.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 1:37pm
Thanks so much for the opinions! I did talk with him and I think things are pretty good. I will keep you posted.