should I remain engaged?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2004
should I remain engaged?
2
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 1:38am
I'm a 23 year old struggling writer engaged for 6 months to a 29 year old recording engineer.

About 9 months before he proposed, I actually proposed and was turned down. I tried to leave but he talked me into staying.

Six months before he proposed I tried to break up again. I found out he'd actually proposed to 2 ex girlfriends after only having been with them less than 6 months, and after two years, nothing between us.

But he convinced me to stay despite huge doubts I had, and then for my 23rd birthday he proposed. It was kind of half assed and surprised me, and I said yes before I really thought.

Immediatly I had doubts, I'm young and I think I need to be alone longer. But my friends told me to wait it out, and now I'm about 60% sure I want to be with him.

We're living together now and it's tough. I found out he whines and is surly, and he's revealed some disgusting habits I knew nothing of before.

Is that what makes me wonder if I should leave? Or are these doubts normal? Or, should I have listened to these doubts in my head all along?

Thank you for any help!

Nora

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 10:27am
Are your friends from the school of a half way decent man is better than no man? SOunds that way to me....I say that life is too short to SETTLE with someone that you are not 110% excited about. He's out there, but it's not this man you've posted about. I totally agree that you are young and you should have more life experiences before you settle down to marriage and everything that goes with that. Just compare yourself to when you were 18...haven't you made great strides? Why not see more of the world, get to know other men and see where you are at 28? Look at the marriages around you...of the people who aren't divorced...how many couples are happily married or even content for that matter?? How many of them are dysfunctional and unhealthy? One in two marriages end in divorce. You say that you've discovered some disgusting habits of his...look into the future with a man modeling stuff he doesn't think is bad or acknowledges is bad and does it anyway in front of the kids. Envision being divorced from this man...is he going to be a deadbeat dad or will he pay his child support and pick up the kids on his days?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 11:03am
Listen to your doubts. The way you are feeling, you should not be planning a wedding anytime soon. You are young. Why are you in such a rush to get married? You are already starting to see things about this man that you don't like. In time I bet you'll see more.

You said "Immediatly I had doubts, I'm young and I think I need to be alone longer. But my friends told me to wait it out, and now I'm about 60% sure I want to be with him."

Don't let your friends run your life. You obviously want to be on your own, so do it.