SINGLE AND LONELY

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
SINGLE AND LONELY
3
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 3:59am
I am having such trouble first off finding dates, and secondly going out on more than one date with any individual. I am begining to think that I have serious issues. I am now convinced that there is either something wrong with me, or my personality. On the rare occasion that someone actually asks me out, I will go out, seemingly have a good time, sometimes hear from the guy once more, and never hear from him again. This is really starting to depress me. I am 26 years old and have been single for as long as I can remember. I am beautiful, well educated and have a great personality. I just don't understand why I constantly get rejected. Worse yet, I am having these problems in my 20's. I can't wait to get to my 30's to see how much more boring and lonely my life becomes.

This problem is begining to comsume me. PLEASE HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 5:22am
Just wanted to comment that I was more successful in relationships in my mid 30's than in my 20's because I am more self aware, have more self confidence and am established in a really good career.

My advice - stop the pity party and get proactive about doing on line dating and activities that do not involve bars clubs or a lot of alcohol where you can meet me - sports, yoga classes, book clubs, community theater, etc. You're allowed to have the pity party 15 minutes per day once a day and that's it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 5:43am
Yikes! I'm in my thirties--does that mean the next 9 years will be miserable? Dammit! :) LOL. Age does not = misery. ;)

I've felt like you many many many (did I mention many?) times--frustrated, lonely, upset, lost... I felt like I would never get a boyfriend at moments. Yet I was attractive, outgoing, fun and had a lot to offer. But I learned one thing. I had too many expectations. I was so focused and worried about having a boyfriend that a guy that liked me couldn't just be himself around me because rather than enjoying the moment with a friend, I was looking to see if he was a good potential mate.

My advice to you is to just breathe. The times when I met the most men were the times when I wasn't thinking about meeting men. Focus on you, live your life, go out and do the things you enjoy and just be happy. People attract to other people who seem content and happy. It will happen, trust me. And when you hit 30 please don't despair. Life isn't downhill from there!

I hope this helps. Good luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 8:32am
I agree with Deena about getting yourself out there. And as a 34 year old, I can tell you that I have a lot more fun dating now than I did in my 20s. My life is not boring or lonely at all. I LOVE my 30s! I am much more in tune with myself, more self-confident, know what I want. Life just gets better as you get more experience.

I have an idea as to what might be going on with you. I think that you are starting to feel very lonely and possibly desperate. Men can sense desperation from a mile away, and they run! It's a very unattractive quality.

I suspect that you might be putting a lot of weight and hope and expectations on each date you have. I know I used to do that. I don't anymore - I just view a first date as an opportunity to meet someone new, learn some things about him, and see if we are compatible. After a first date, I don't sit by the phone for a week waiting for a man to call, I'm out seeing other men and doing other things. If he calls, great, if he doesn't, oh well, someone else will come along.

I think that when you go on dates, you need to take things VERY casually. Just go, be yourself, relax, have fun, and don't spend the whole date thinking about whether there will be a second. Don't focus only on whether he will want to see you again - also focus on whether YOU want to see him again. Remind yourself before the date that if things don't work out, there are plenty of other men out there.