Mixed Signals
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| Tue, 03-23-2004 - 1:42pm |
I went on a blind date with a girl. I went on two dates with her. They went fine, but I would not say great. We did not do anything physical. I took it slow and did not receive any feedback to increase the intensity. Believe me, I was looking for it. I make a rule not to touch a girl until she initiates contact. For example, touching my hand. We agreed on a third date. She said she had a good time and wanted to see me again. That was fine for me.
I went on the third date. We were sitting having luch. I say about 15 minutes into the meal. And she got a call on her cell phone. She answered. It was a girlfriend of hers that she already saw earlier that day. She asked me if she could invite her and her baby. I guess they were hungry. I was like sure. I was shocked. What else could I have said. She asked me a little later if I wanted to leave so she could be with her friend. At least I believe that is what she ment. Like I said I was stunned and my listening skills were not in top condition. I said I will stay. Her friend came and she paid attention to her friend. She did NOT ignore me. Which I was relieved for. I felt like I was hanging out with them. All of us left for the parking lot together. There was no privacy at any time. I gave her a hug out of the confusion. I basically concluded in my head this was just a blow off and that would be it.
But this is where the confusion comes in. She called me while I was driving home and said she had a good time. I am still interested and give me a call. She said I hope I have a good time at this gathering I was going to. Basically, my impression was that she was concerned that I thought she dissed me. And implied it was not. I told her I would still call her. I was like what is going on?
She called me four days later, and left a message. Since it was only 4 days and I did not call her as of yet. I called her back later that night, but she was lukewarm but not rude to me throughout the conversation and seemed only politely interested in my offer of a date that weekend. She ended the call after 10 minutes. That actually ticked me off! Instead of calling her that weekend, I did not. I never had set up a date only a generality of an offer, therefore, she never planned for it. I wanted to call but did not want the letdowm.
I called her the next week and and left a message. She called me back and told me how she still wanted to see me. My impression was that I overreacted and she was hurt by my aloofness. and I decided to start from scratch. I set up a date for the weekend and it was actually for special event that she knew required a modest amount of planning on my part. She had to know I was interested if I invited her to this type of event. She canceleld the last minute because her friends had a party planned for her. She asked me if I was going to call her because she wanted to see me. She did give me times she was free. But I was like this is a wild goose chase. And basically said I was not interested. I have never called her back. She never did either.
I need some perspective here. I have gone out on many dates with quite a few women. But this was just plain confusing. I never had mixed signals like this.
Did not I blow things out of proportion?

I think the friend thing was pre-arranged so she could get her friend's opinion of you.
But I don't understand why she would accept another date and then cancel at the last minute like that.
--I think you both played games at the begining. Just because she was lukewarm you desided not to call her and invite on a date.
"She ended the call after 10 minutes. That actually ticked me off! "
-- Maybe she was busy or upset with something else....
I met the guy I'm seeing now when he was in a very difficult position in his life : new job, end of school...He'd canceld on me 3 times(!) But now, when he got a job that he loves and school is going fine, he gives me all the attention and he is sooo thankful that I gave him the time.
I think that she is toying with him. I think it was rude to answer her cell and even ruder to invite a third (and fourth) party in during the date. Add to that cancelling at the last minute a date that he'd spent a good bit of time planning - I'd forget about her.
The friend bit is weird also, but it is very possible that the other poster was right and she wanted her friend to check you out. She probably didn't think about how it looked until later, which was the frantic call making sure you understood.
I think SHE thinks that you are giving mixed messages, because twice you have said you would call and you didn't. I would if I were her.
I definitely suggest giving it another shot!
I totally agree. Why tell him he "can leave"...unless its some kind of test or some other ridiculous game. The fact that she called right after shows that she KNEW she was giving signs of a brush off. So why do it if you are truly interested?
After that third date in which her friend was invited to, my interest level in the girl was greatly reduced. I found it insulting. It was very close to being a dealbreaker. That is why I was hesitant to call her back right away.
I thought since it was a blind date arranged through relatives and not friends(big mistake), I decided to give it some time as I did like her. After all, these are unusual circumstances to meet a person. She might have had some pressures from her family that I was not aware of. But her actions cemented my suspicions that she did not want to know me.
I have decided not to call her back. I already stuck my neck out. It would be to akward.