long distance problems!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
long distance problems!
2
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 7:05am
Hi, sorry if this is a bit long...

I have been dating a girl I met whilst in Alaska on an exchange trip. We are both from the same university in England, but didn't meet until we were out there. We quickly got to know each other, and fell in love and had three amazing months together. However, I came back before Christmas, but she is out there until May. We will be apart for longer than we were together.

We've been having some problems recently. We talk regularly over MSN and via e-mail, but rarely over the phone and if we do it is always strained and awkward. She says she has to detatch herself from her emotions for me so she can get on with her life over there. So now she shows me no affection whatsoever, and its even getting awkward talking to her as if she was just a friend. I could deal with this alone, but her best friend out there is another guy who I knew a little bit when i was out there. She spends what seems like all her time with him. She gets drunk and has stayed over in his room. She recently went on a trip and stayed in a two bedroom room with four guys. I'm getting insanely jealous. She openly tells me all this. I've already told her how i feel, as tactfully as possible, and she assures me they're just friends, but she still finds it hard to say she misses me or loves me.

This occupies my thoughts all the time. I want to detach myself as well so i can get on with my life here. My only concern is that if we both detatch ourselves we'll never be the same when she gets back in May. I really don't want to lose her, but i can't carry on feeling like this. If u have any suggestions, i'd be really grateful. thanks, L.

Avatar for happychick01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:16am










Dear L


I feel for you it sounds like you care more about this girl then she cares about you and thats not fair or right it sounds like all she wanted was a fling from you a short term deal and then you both could have left it at that and moved on it sounds like this girl has moved on since she wants to be your friend and have told you that she needs to "Detach" herself from you and she needs to "Stop caring about you" what the heck when you like someone you stick with them no matter how far they are away from you I would ask her once again what does she want for yes it will be awakarad when you 2 meet again especially if she has moved on from you and the realtionship and it will be hard to start fresh again when you know who she has been with and what she has told you I would talk to her either love you or leave you but either way quit playing with your heart and your feelings its not nice being played especially with someone that you love and care about

Lots of Luck and keep us updated

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:49pm
If you are insanely jealous, and you have every reason to be, you should detach yourself as completely as possible. And see if there is anything left in May when she gets back. I wouldn't count on anything. Your best best cut your losses and regain your sanity (and integrity).