What does he want?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
What does he want?
3
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 8:43am
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A few months ago I was introduced to this great guy through a mutal friend. We hit it off instantly, however both of us really wanted to take it slow because both of us had been cheated on by a previous significant other. For each of us, it was a devastating experience, so it's safe to say, both of us were hesitant in getting into something serious. We both agreed to take things slow. After going on a few dates, we realized we had so much in common, we were able to talk to each other about anything, and both of us agreed that even though we'd known each other for only a little while, we felt like we'd known each other forever. We did not become intimate, because we were testing the waters and both of us had some confidence issues in that department - we were just enjoying getting to know each other and flirting around. After a few more dates, he got scared because things were starting to get a little more serious. Finally he told me that he really didn't feel he was ready to give 100% to a relationship and that I deserved someone who could. He told me he was very attracted to me, respected me and valued what we had, but was still bitter from his past break up. Safe to say I was disappointed, but I understood. So I thought, too bad, this could have been something good and now I'll probably never speak to this guy again. Then surprise, two weeks later he calls me out of the blue and we have a great chat. We got to the point of talking once or twice a week and the conversations keep getting longer and longer. I'm not sure what is going on - whether we are building some sort of trust or just working on a friendship. I'd say it was just friends, but there is alot of subtle flirting going on. What is going on here and what does he want?



Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 10:55am
I would say that he already told you what he wants quoted from your post "he told me that he really didn't feel he was ready to give 100% to a relationship and that I deserved someone who could. He told me he was very attracted to me, respected me and valued what we had, but was still bitter from his past break up" From his actions I would say that he really likes you, but is not ready to take that step towards a serious relationship at this time. You both share a common fact; you both were cheated on by past lovers and obviously he needs more time to heal before he can move on.

I would say it is obvious that he really wants to have something with you whether it be a friendship or a relationship. Why don't you start off as just friends right now and let your relationship grow naturally and slowly. He wouldn't have called you out of the blue if he didn't want something with you, but at the same time I think as you put it he needs to build trust with you. Why not start off as his friend right now and let it grow into something more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:35pm
Great advice! It sounds to me like he is interested in more than friends but he is very wary. Just be available as long as he interested, and things will work out for the best. Push him, and he'll likely be scared off again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:51pm
Yeah, it's just confusing because I've been around enough guys to know that they don't just call and email for "no reason" and I know there is interest there on his part, it's just difficult because my bad relationship ended a few years ago whereas he is just a few months out of his, and I am likely a little more ready than he is. And I am trying to put some sort of definition on what we are - friends or potentially more than friends - because my top priority is protecting myself. He's a great guy and I don't begrudge him his need for time to heal, it's just sometimes when you are ready you want someone that you are interested in to be in the same mind set as you. So I'm just giving him his space.