How long is too long to wait to move on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
How long is too long to wait to move on?
3
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 8:43am
Little bit of backgroud on situation. A year and a half ago met a wonderful man online,fell in love and have been seeing each other since then. He dated some real money/material doozies before he met me(along with a divorce 15yrs ago.) We are in love, but, he hasn't gone beyond saying he wants to spend the rest of our lives together. I have children that live with me, he lives alone(we live 2 blocks from each other.) I want more, live together sort of situation, what is a realistic time frame for waiting for this? He is 46 and I am 38... My friends think he should have asked some time ago and that I deserve better than 1 sleepover a month... HELP>>>>>> I need some feedback

And how do I read the replies...I'm new to this


Edited 3/24/2004 9:54 am ET ET by pigletjen8

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 9:35am
One "sleepover" a month? Your friends are right... that doesn't sound like enough time spent together to me, after a year and a half together. I can only assume that his hesitance about spending more time with you has to do with your children. Have you introduced them to him? How do they all get along? If he is talking about spending the rest of his life with you, your children are obviously part of the package. He needs to be absolutely sure that he is willing and able to take on this responsibility.

You are both mature adults and you have been together long enough that it's definitely time to have "the talk." I'm sorry that he hasn't initiated it... that usually works out better for the woman. But it's YOUR life and your children's welfare you must consider here, so I wouldn't waste much more time on this man if he isn't willing to at least discuss the future with you. Pick a time this weekend (or as soon as possible) and start talkin'. Ask him what he wants out of this relationship. Hopefully, that will be the new starting point for you 2 to come to an agreement. Tell him what YOU want.

If what you want is marriage or to live together, that's a big step.. and you need to seriously discuss all the details BEFOREhand, especially in light of your children. Be prepared.... he might not be ready to be a parent. And you need to consider whether he would make a good parent.

Love is grand, but it ain't enough. You also want stability and commitment. Personally, I would not wait for him for more than 6 months to 1 more year.

I hope it works out for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:21am
Thanks much for your input. Yes he has met the kids... And he and I spend quite a bit of time together... But, I'm starting to feel guilty for that time taken from my kids (they are 19,18,14 and almost 13) only the younger two still live at home. If the kids are the problem then I can't stay in the relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 1:48pm
I know... he'd be history. So, I sure hope he's OK with your kids. I guess you could try to bring your boyfriend together with them a little more often, at least the two younger ones.

And I really think you should have that talk with him. You need to know how he feels about the possibility of marrying you and sharing your children's lives, even if you're far from ready to set a date. I wish you well...