What the heck?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2004
What the heck?
4
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:41am
OK, let me make a very long story short. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and have lived together for 3 years. Just before Christmas he told me he needed to find himself and he wasn't capable of furthering the commitment with me. This has been problematic as I have had to look for a new place to live and in the interim have had to share a house with him for the past 3-4 months. The confusing part is that he tells his friends and me that he is single, but when he comes home, he still wants to spend evenings and weekends with me and still makes plans to do stuff together. He also still sleeps in the same bed as I do and refuses to move to another room. He knows that I am moving out to my new home next month, and consistently talks about all the time he is going to spend visiting me and hanging out with me - which is something I have told him I don't want. He doesn't understand why I don't want this and why I believe we can't be friends and then he gets mad at me and tells me to be mature about the situation. I've been devastated over the whole thing, while still understanding that I need to move on and he needs to find himself. If he is so set on being single, why is he still so set on us spending time together?
Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: debj73
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:45am
It doesnt really matter what he's thinking. You get to set the rules for your life. You dont want to hang with him...dont.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
In reply to: debj73
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:50am
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. It's good that you recognize that your current setup isn't healthy for either one of you. You ARE being mature, once the cord is cut it has to be cut completely, which is what you are trying to do.

"If he is so set on being single, why is he still so set on us spending time together?"

Tell him that - that will get your point across!

Good luck!

Avatar for alicea825
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2003
In reply to: debj73
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 11:57am
Because he's a jerk, that's why! What guy or person in their right mind would break things off with someone after 5 years, 3 years living together and continue to lead you on by sleeping in the same bed with you, plan dates and plan to visit you in your new home? Is he completely heartless?

You have the control here. As soon as you move out, give him the cold shoulder, tell him to grow a heart and get out of your life for good!

You deserve better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: debj73
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:46pm
'If he is so set on being single, why is he still so set on us spending time together?'

Easy: he wants to have his cake and eat it too.