Am I expecting too much??? NEED opinion!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Am I expecting too much??? NEED opinion!
2
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:32pm
I'll try to keep this short: I was seeing this guy for about 2 months(we were friends first). From the start he made it clear that he wanted a relationship and tried to prove it to me by being really sweet & attentive. Even though it's only been 2 months, I'd consider it serious since we saw each other everyday (during the first month) and talked on the phone about 3 times a day, and he wasn't afraid to talk about "us" and where we were heading, and we even did the I love you thing (yes..yes...I know NOW that it was naive of me to believe that).

Things started to get rocky (issues about his lack of time) and we argued a few times and so I was getting frustrated and told him we should cool off. I suggested our break because in our last fight, he stormed out and said he was under so much stress (he really was…) and didn’t want to deal it. I was hurt that he didn't even care how he was hurting me by reacting that way and not wanting to talk about anything...so I sent him a text message saying we should cool off for awhile to figure things out, and that he can take all the time he needs but not to call me unless he’s ready to deal w/ things. That was about 3 weeks ago and he hasn’t called yet.

I started getting anxious so I sent him a text message a week ago just saying “Hi” and “How are you?”…he replied back saying “I’m good…I miss you” so I replied back with “do you plan on seeing each other soon?” and all he said was “yes”. I assumed he would call within the next few days but he never did.

It's been 3 weeks since we last talked (except for that text message). My question is...after an intense 2 month relationship, don't I deserve some kind of formal break up, or is that expecting too much? I wanted us to decide TOGETHER as to what we were gonna do, but it doesn't look like he even wants to have that discussion. I've decided that it might be better for us to just be friends since he has a lot on his plate right noe, but don't I deserve some CLOSURE??? I know I was the one who told him to "take all the time he needs", but shouldn't he know by now? Or is he just avoiding the discussion completely? I'm not going to call him to demand any kind of answers, but it bugs me! Or should I accept his actions, or lack thereof, as a way of breaking up w/ me? I'm trying to move on already but it makes me mad that he didn't respect me (or what we had) enough to discuss what happened. Don't I have a right to be mad???

thanks again for all the wonderful advice so far!!!! =)







Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:36pm
Well you have a "right" to feel however you feel...thats the good thing about feelings...they just are. You cast out the line,the ball is in his court to call you. Since he hasnt...I think you need to let go and move on. Sounds like a bit of "love burnout"...sometimes its wiser to "take it slow" in the beginning.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 12:53pm

Well, sure you *deserve* a formal break-up, but he's not giving it to you, so what are ya gonna do???