Help me stay strong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Help me stay strong?
3
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 2:20pm
Granted this is very fresh since we broke up last night but I have this overwhelming urge to reach out to him. I know not to and that I need to let it go. Unless he comes to terms on his own that he wants to be with me exclusively then it won't work and I would be selling myself short. Still it is difficult and it will probably get worse before it gets better. I already sent an email this morning to counter what he said last night about "no spark". I'm not sure I buy the whole no spark because I had referred to it this past weekend when we ran into someone I had dated briefly before him. (3 dates) I made mention that he was nice but there was no spark so we decided to be friends. You don't date someone for 4 months and pursue that person if there is no spark. It was still bugging me when I woke up so I sent him a brief email to let him know that he caught me off guard because I was feeling lots of sparks and ended it with I was sad to be losing someone I cared for.

Ok...so from here on out, no contact. I have also already made plans to catch up with that old friend we ran into. We are going to meet for lunch next week and catch up. (Just friends catching up but I thought it would be good to get out and be with someone). I also let my sister know that she could let her neighbor know that I would consider a date. (He has been interested) I am pretty busy most nights for the next week but there are so many events coming up that he was supposed to be a part of. Any helpful advice or tough love would be appreciated on how to deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 2:54pm
My ex and I broke up last month, so I can relate.

A few things. First, you already know this, but don't contact him anymore. You can't argue with him about whether or not he felt sparks. He said he didn't - you have to take him at his word and move on. If you try to convince him he did, you will just prolong your own pain and make him even more certain that he doesn't want to be with you. Bow out gracefully. Second, don't expect him to change his mind. I doubt he will. Move on as if you would never see him again.

As for starting to date again - make sure you're over the ex first. There's no set amount of time it takes, just make sure it feels right to you.

Good luck! :) You will be fine, trust me. It will get easier to deal with every day.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-24-2004 - 3:13pm

I hear ya!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 8:48am
Thank you both. I let myself get my crying out last night which felt good and actually helped me sleep. This morning I feel a little better. I realize it would have been worse if I had waited. I think I sensed him getting restless which spurred the talk. He would not have brought it up and I would have been crushed if he started seeing someone else on the side. I know I will have ups and downs over the next few weeks but imagine how much worse it would have been if I had waited til that happened.

Good news is I will probably lose those stubborn 5lbs I haven't been able to shake. :) The break up diet works wonders.