Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Question
4
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 8:12pm
Hi,

I've been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks and we've made it official and exclusive. We technically met through an online personal ad although we had the same class together last semester without knowing it and he knew who I was from seeing me perform. Anyhow, I still have my personal ads up and I continue to get responses from people. Most of them I am not interested in, but there are a couple of guys here and there I wouldn't mind getting to know. My question is, is it all right if I start talking to these guys while I'm exclusive with someone, even though I'm not dating these online guys but they might have the intention of wanting to get together as more than friends? I don't know what to think about this situation. Also, I'm pretty sure my new beau still has his profile up too and I'm sure he gets responses.

Thanks.

Violenta

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: violenta
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:47pm

If you are exclusive, you should not have an ad posted, and you most certainly should not be responding to anyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
In reply to: violenta
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 12:17pm
To say that you two are exclusive and yet you still have personal ads posted is contradictory. By agreeing to be exclusive, you are agreeing to concentrate your romantic energy on one person, while abstaining from dating others. If you are really serious about pursuing a relationship with someone (even in those initial trial stages) what you are doing is playing with fire.

Are you really giving this new relationship a fair chance if you're still chatting up potential dates (whether they say say or not, it's a personal ad, of course these guys are looking for dates-or sex)? Are you ready to be in a relationship? Do you feel that there's enough passion and interest and common ground for it to work between you and your new boyfriend? Why did you make it official after only two weeks? Really ponder WHY you are still in a dating mindframe even though you now have a boyfriend.

Once you know those answers, you'll either decide to talk to him about taking down profiles (after you've decided that's what you want to do) or that you aren't ready to choose a partner yet and continue dating. Either way, only do what is true to you.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Ivy

georgiasugarbaby@yahoo.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
In reply to: violenta
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 12:38pm
I have decided to make my profile inactive/not searchable. You ladies are right in saying that it is contradictory to have a boyfriend and be perceived as available. My friends agree to this too. Thanks for the input. I will talk to my new beau and ask him to make his profile inactive also.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: violenta
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 12:54pm
I don't know all this stuff about "exclusive" -- my time at this was long ago -- but I do know I had trouble with more than one romantic relationship if it was really a relationship. If he is your "boyfriend", no matter how briefly you have know him, it doesn't make sense to be looking around for others. If it fizzles out, you can always put yourself back up there on the online board.