How do I slow things down?

Avatar for fitchic1
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
How do I slow things down?
2
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 9:06pm
Hi---

I'm 25, and I recently broke-up with my boyfriend of 10 months about three weeks ago. I met this great guy last weekend. We have talked everyday on the phone. In addition, we have gone out on a couple of lunch dates and a dinner date. We also have plans to go to a party this Saturday. The problem?? I really want to take things slowly---I'm not ready to get into another serious relationship yet. Before my last relationship, I dated a guy for three years and then jumped right into the last one---never really had a chance to "breathe" and have my freedom/independence. How do I approach this? I know I'm making myself too available, but I'd hate to lie to him. I just don't want to be tied-down to anyone right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 6:51am
Plans with yourself are plans too. Tell him that you would love to see him once or twice a week and talk on the phone two or three times a week for now because you think that maybe you started off too quickly and you want to give this a real shot.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 11:02am
You're running on a very dangerous assumption...and that is that he WANTS a serious, committed relationship just because he's "asking you out alot".

Dating is about fun, sex if everybody agrees, adn companionship -it's about sharing interests, ideas, and perspectives on life in conversation in lots of different situations. Some people date and enjoy every aspect of it without EVER wanting a commitment, or to pursue anything more than "exclusivity" in the sexual/dating sense. They want "a temporary constant" - so to speak.

So, just don't say yes unless it suits your needs, or schedule period the end. Don't give to him based on "a future or its potential" and don't involve yourself with him based on that either. You easily would find that is precisely what he's doing....enjoying what's available in the moment without considering "a future" at all.

That's how men date...it's just that women don't comprehend it overmuch.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com