Need advice...frazzled...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Need advice...frazzled...
1
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 2:16pm
My boyfriend and I dated for two years before I moved to another city (We've been together for over 3 years now). It has worked out OK because we're only an hour apart so we still have been able to spend our weekends together. In the past I had to go up there every weekend because I was living at home with my parents. I moved into an apartment in January so that he can spend every other weekend up here since my life is busy enugh as is, it is tough to put everything off for a whole weekend EVERY weekend. I am 24, so I have a career and I am finishing up my degree at night so I am very busy so him being able to come up here every week was a great relief to me. NOW he decided to get a second job, he is finishing school too (hes 23) and he has to work saturday nights now. Now I have had to go up there every single weekend again since he works saturdays. He could come up here Fridays, but like this weekend, she said she "may" need him to work Friday too. So I still dont even know if he will even get to come here this weekend. I am under a lot of stress right now with work and school. Having our weekends cut up and never knowing when he is going to have to work, I feel like everything has gotten so insane. It is so hard for me to go up there every single weekend. I am just frustrated right now. I feel like everything always revolves around him. Before he wouldnt come up here b.c I lived with my parents. Now sometimes he doesnt want to come up on Friday because he works the next morning. Plus, I have tons of stuff going on in my own life too. I am just feeling frazzled. I love him, but I am getting worn out and I feel like we are running out of space in each other's lives for each other. I don't not want to be with him, but especially with him working weekends now which was the only time we get to spend with each other I feel crowded out of his life. Any advice for me? I just feel worn out and I don't know how to deal with all of the changes. I feel like it is hard for us to get our time together anymore. He has been snappy with me lately too and its probably because of all the changes lately. I also feel like if it was his choice to accept this job he could try a little to come down here sometimes but if it means going out of his way at all, he just doesnt want to. Im just so frustrated!!! I got this apartment so he can come here too, and Ive spent every weekend up there. I already had to do this for a year. For a whole year I drove up there every single weekend. I am doing all of the work going up there every weekend AGAIN (even though I got this apartment to avoid that), and in all honesty I am busier than him. He is off of school right now until summer. He only works 25 hours a week at his one job, and two nights at the other and it is just bartending. Sorry, I am really venting!!! Any advice would be fantastic... Thanks!

Andrea

Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 2:45pm
From your post, it sounds as though you two are really stretching yourself thin. You both have normal jobs and are going to school to finish your degrees. You mention that you are both extremely busy which is normal and now he throws a wrench into the plan by getting a 2nd job probably to earn some extra cash and you are frazzled. Honestly, I don't think you should be mad at him for living his life just as you live yours. With the busy schedules you both have, I don't see how you can make it all work, but obviously you do. What if you both didn't put so much pressure on yourselves and cut back the time you see each other, instead of EVERY weekend, what about every other? It seems that you just can't hack it anymore and there is nothing wrong not seeing each other every weekend.

Maybe instead you could meet somewhere in between for dinner or something during the week to break up the 1 weekend apart? Sorry to be blunt, but you sound worn out and pretty soon you both will get resentful at each other for this.