Physical - now what?
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Physical - now what?
| Sat, 03-27-2004 - 12:12pm |
Hi! I've been lurking on these boards for a couple of weeks and really enjoy them...thought I would post an issue now that I have one!..lol
Background..Met a guy online (I'm 34, he's 44). Both divorced about one year and both have kids and don't want more. I've had one relationship since my divorce that lasted about two months and ended with his games...so I'm new to dating..go easy on me!..lol. We've went out 6 or 7 times and talk on the phone every day. It's very refreshing as he just really has his head on straight and is secure with himself and who he is which I find men my age aren't always like that. We've had some pretty serious talks about how we really became attracted to eachother mentally as well as physically in the last week and I noticed the playful banter back and forth took on a more intimate tone. I was cheated on and we've talked about how that was very hard to recover from..his wife had drinking problems and depression and finally just needed to "find herself" and wanted out. We've talked about how both of us are ready to find that special person, we don't like games, etc. I guess we've just had some real philosophical talks and I feel we both understand eachother well.
So..Last night he invited me over for dinner and basically just relaxing and talking and seeing his house. We've not been to eachother's houses before. I went out on the deck to look at his pool and he came and wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. It was so comfortable and it felt so right. I'm also a massage therapist and he has been having some back problems and I offered to give him a massage which I did (nothing funky, purely professional..only his back and he had shorts on). One thing led to another and we became intimate with eachother. We were both nervous and we both knew it..but yet it felt right. We laid there for awhile talking and holding eachother and then I went home so he could get some sleep. I didn't stay the night as he gets up at 3:30a.m. for work and I didn't want to get up that early..lol. So what's the problem you ask?....well, I'm panicing. He has not been with anyone since his divorce; I've been with one. I guess I'm just not sure how to proceed. He's working today until 3:00p.m. and last night when I left I asked if he'd call today and he said he would, kissed me and I left. Should I wait and let him call...what if he doesn't?..what if he has regrets, wasn't ready and the massage just made everything happen? If he doesn't call today should I call, leave him an email, etc. What should I say?
Guess I just know that for me, I was ready for this with him and based on our discussions together I would assume he was ready also. But I've been reading about so many issues with people getting played, etc. on this board I'm afraid that if he wasn't and one thing led to another..then what? Guess I just need some insight into this.
Background..Met a guy online (I'm 34, he's 44). Both divorced about one year and both have kids and don't want more. I've had one relationship since my divorce that lasted about two months and ended with his games...so I'm new to dating..go easy on me!..lol. We've went out 6 or 7 times and talk on the phone every day. It's very refreshing as he just really has his head on straight and is secure with himself and who he is which I find men my age aren't always like that. We've had some pretty serious talks about how we really became attracted to eachother mentally as well as physically in the last week and I noticed the playful banter back and forth took on a more intimate tone. I was cheated on and we've talked about how that was very hard to recover from..his wife had drinking problems and depression and finally just needed to "find herself" and wanted out. We've talked about how both of us are ready to find that special person, we don't like games, etc. I guess we've just had some real philosophical talks and I feel we both understand eachother well.
So..Last night he invited me over for dinner and basically just relaxing and talking and seeing his house. We've not been to eachother's houses before. I went out on the deck to look at his pool and he came and wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm. It was so comfortable and it felt so right. I'm also a massage therapist and he has been having some back problems and I offered to give him a massage which I did (nothing funky, purely professional..only his back and he had shorts on). One thing led to another and we became intimate with eachother. We were both nervous and we both knew it..but yet it felt right. We laid there for awhile talking and holding eachother and then I went home so he could get some sleep. I didn't stay the night as he gets up at 3:30a.m. for work and I didn't want to get up that early..lol. So what's the problem you ask?....well, I'm panicing. He has not been with anyone since his divorce; I've been with one. I guess I'm just not sure how to proceed. He's working today until 3:00p.m. and last night when I left I asked if he'd call today and he said he would, kissed me and I left. Should I wait and let him call...what if he doesn't?..what if he has regrets, wasn't ready and the massage just made everything happen? If he doesn't call today should I call, leave him an email, etc. What should I say?
Guess I just know that for me, I was ready for this with him and based on our discussions together I would assume he was ready also. But I've been reading about so many issues with people getting played, etc. on this board I'm afraid that if he wasn't and one thing led to another..then what? Guess I just need some insight into this.

If I were you, I'd wait for him to call. More than one day but not more than a few days. Meaning it is reasonable to expect to hear from him well within a week. I know, you would like him to call the next day, but even if things are not weird at all, he may not.
This may not be very reassuring, but that's the way things are, I'm afraid. You will just have to see what is going on and that may take a while for both of you.
I would definitely wait for HIM to call and if he doesn't call, then accept you made a mistake and move on.