romantic attraction or just good feeling

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
romantic attraction or just good feeling
1
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 4:25pm
hi. i was wondering: is there a difference between romantic and sexual attraction? how do i know if i am truly attracted to someone or i am just having "happy" feelings? i have this male friend of mine (friends with for 2 years) and recently (for a few months now), i have been having feelings for him. when i look into his eyes i feel kind of like a warm, happy rush and i just want to get close to him. when i imagine kissing him, us holding each other, things he would say, or other making love to him, i get aroused but it's not exactly the same way that i would feel watching a porn or something like that. does all sexual desire feel the same or does it depend on the context? i don't know if it is the affection that i am craving or if it's him, but he is the only one that i am feeling this intense feelings for. sometimes i can also have a more dilluted form of these warm feelings at other times when sex or romance are not on the brain, so that is why i was wondering if i could just be feeling something else besides chemistry. can different emotions be sparked by similar chemicals in the brain, therefore creating similar feelings? he is an amazing person and very handsome but i don't want to risk ruining our friendship if i am just being hormonal. input is much, much appreciated!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Sun, 03-28-2004 - 10:01am
Since I'm a male I hesitate to even begin to interpret what you are feeling! But yes,there is undoubtedly a difference between romantic attraction and sexual attraction, at least in males. Who can sometimes be attracted sexually to many women without feeling any romantic attraction or any feeling at all except lust. There's also a difference between infatuation (which perhaps is nothing more than intense romantic attraction) and sexual attraction. But of course they get all mixed up with each other. I actually think that often romantic attraction suppresses sexual attraction, at least for a while. Or maybe it's more accurate to say it modifies sexual attraction. Something like what you are saying about it doesn't feel like watching a porn movie.

Different feelings and emotions definitely are located in different parts of the brain. It's known that pre-orgasmic arousal and orgasmic experience take place in different parts of the brain, for example. With infatuation, there's an intense rush of amphetamine-like chemicals in the brain that are not present with simple sexual attraction. It's also true that the same chemicals operate in all kinds of different ways in different parts of the brain. So it's not surprising that things get very complicated!

I would say that you shouldn't worry about whether you are "just being hormonal". Of course you are being hormonal, with a lot of other non-hormonal chemical stuff going on too. But it's not necessarily "just hormones" or "just chemistry". There is no way to figure it all out at once, so why try?

The one piece of advice I would give is: if you are falling into the grip of infatuation, don't fall too deep or too fast. Because if it turns out you're alone, or he reverses gears, it can end up being very lonely and painful.