20 and never had a date

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
20 and never had a date
2
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 4:20pm
I'm 20 years old and have never been on a date. This is largely due to the fact that I rarely get really strong crushes and in High school I was incredibly shy and insecure. However, know that I'm in college I'm happy, content and get along with almost everybody....and, there's a guy who I really like. He's awesome; nice, sweet, considerate and he's not a player, but he's the type of guy who was extremely popular in high school and I'm kind of intimidated by that. We used to get along great, always doing that friends-flirting type of thing, but, now that I realized how much I like him, I don't know how to act around him. I can't even look at him sometimes. I have no idea what to do. I can't ask him out because he would go just because we're friends and he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings, and I don't want my first date to be a pity date. I've tried everything I can think of to get over him, but I just like him more and more. Does anybody have any suggestions on what I can do? And especially, tricks to act more normal around him? Thanks.

Oh yeah, and he's not shy. Quiet sometimes, but I really don't think he's shy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 2:10pm
You actually sound A LOT like me, in fact, it's almost freaking me out how much you sound like me ;) I was really shy and quiet as well in high school and I've never really been in love with anyone. But now, in my first year at university, I'm so much more confident and I've come to realize how unhappy I was in high school. I'm sorry, cause this is not what you wanna hear, you want some advice. I've been in your situation as well this year. There was this guy who I liked a lot, but I was intimidated by the number of people he was always surrounded with. Then I got to know him better, and yes, there was a flirting type of thing. Only thing is, I never had a problem acting normal, even after I'd realized how much I liked him. My advice to you: first of all, realize that you already have the friendship, which means he likes your personality, which I think is a VERY important thing. Remembering that should help you act 'normal' around him. Just continue the friendship you had, but take the flirting a tiny bit further. You know, touch him a bit more often, that's what I did. If he gets uncomfortable whith that, just can easily go one step back. Now, if he thinks you two could be more than just friends, than you have given him al the information he needs to ask you on a date. If you are really anything like me, than that is what you really want: for a guy to ask your first date on a date.

And in case your wondering about that guy I liked. As I said I took the flirting a bit further, although really subtle, and he was totally okay with that. In the end, he told me he really liked me and invited me along. Unfortunately it only lasted for four weeks, but we're still good friends, in fact, even better friends than we used to be,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Thu, 04-01-2004 - 4:06pm
Hi! You sound so sweet! This guy is a lucky guy by the looks of it. Well, my advise to you would be to simply use your girly power. Flirt with him into believing that he is the one who made the first step. When your eyes cross just hold the stare for a little bit longer then look away coyly. Repeat a few times but - agreeing with the pervious post- you should not be too obvious; just akt as normal as you possibly can. Also try touching him softly when you speak and above all smile a lot! A genuine smile makes even the toughest heart melt. And remember, even if none of this works you lose nothing! Nothing ventured nothing gained as they say! After all what is the worst thing that can happen?

Good luck to you

Love

Kristen