i need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
i need help
3
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:54pm
this is the first time i have ever posted a message so i apologize in advance if i mess up. first i need creative suggestions from real people on how they got through breaking up with someone after being together for four years. this is no normal man. i truly thought that he was the one. this summer i got extremely sick, had a liver transplant and had to learn how to do everything including walking again and he stayed with me through all of it only to now tell me (when i asked if he would ever marry me) that he wasn't sure he wanted to be with me any more. i'm feeling overwhelmed by everything that has happened to me. he was who helped cope with the hard times. most of my friends have abandoned me because they are scared to be around me because of my illness for some reason. i really need some ideas on how to make it through this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: cloey2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 12:14am
cloey, i want you to listen to me.

there are some people who come along into our lives who are there for a purpose - and then to fade away.

that's what he was for you. he helped you and that was his purpose. he is not strong enough to handle your strength so you must let him go and become more philosophical about this.

he did not reject you. he rejected having to be strong.

now, you are the strong one. you are healing and have a will and a backbone and you will be just fine. now is your time to revamp your life. to use this as a learning experience.

your heart might be broken or disappointed, but you also have had a learning experience of enormous proportions. use these lessons for your soul.

you did nothing wrong, it was him. his expiration date arrived... that's how i'm looking at it.

right now i want you to look fear in the face and give it the finger - ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: cloey2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 1:32am
I am so sorry about your illness and so glad he stuck by you. Here are my questions for you - when did you first discuss marriage and what was your agreed upon time table to get married - if you did not have that discussion, why not and if you did and your time table was less than 4 years why did you stay - was your decision related to your illness? If you hadn't become ill would you have expected to be engaged at a certain time? Why did you two decide to be together that long without being engaged? I am not judging, just need more information. You say you thought he was the one - and I would need to know how long you thought that and if it was for years I would need to know why there weren't formal steps taken towards engagement.

I am so glad your transplant was successful and I wish you the best of luck and continued good health!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
In reply to: cloey2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:30am
heres the info you asked for. we were together for about 1 year before we talked about marraige and he said he wanted to just not then. so i waited and waited. he always said just a little longer. i dont think that getting sick had anything to do with my wanting to get married to him, it just made me realize that life is short and i didnt want to keep waiting. so i asked him again and this time he said that he really didnt ever want to get married so i told him i couldnt be with him any longer. i knew i wanted to marry him for about 3 years but there was no time table because i thought if i pushed him he would leave. could you please tell me what youve done in the past to get through a break up. i always went out with friends to the bar. obviously i cant do that anymore and like i said earlier my friends have left me.

cloey