Dating stages
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| Tue, 03-30-2004 - 8:27pm |
A couple of weeks ago, I told him lets move on to the next level of our relationship. Thus, my confusion has just gotten deeper. For I have no idea if we are friends or if we are now dating muchless what the next stage is.
He tells me that I am the one for him, and my love for him is growing but his love for me seems to have gotten some "miracle grow". My mom, said it was just how guys are they are always quicker to know if your the one.
I do want this relationship to grow, for deep down I feel we are meant to be. But, each time I try to move to the next stage (again not sure on that part) He seems to pull back.
Please, if anyone as any advice for me and happens to know what these stages of a relationship are. I am open, and listening.

And, the exception I mentioned above was when I was 23 and he was 22 - we became exclusive after 6 months but did not have sex until we'd been together for a year.
No wonder you are confused! Look at what you wrote...its all over the place.
"A couple of weeks ago, I told him lets move on to the next level of our relationship. Thus, my confusion has just gotten deeper. For I have no idea if we are friends or if we are now dating muchless what the next stage is."
So
Perhaps that is some of the reason I am not jumping first and asking questions later with this relationship.
Yes, I am confused but most of the confusion is mainly ok we have agreed to move deeper into the relationship. Then why do I still feel like "friends" not that's bad, being friends and lovers in a relationship between two people is something I am looking for. I just wonder if we are taking things to slow, and how I could either nudge things along. All we have done so far is hug, no first kiss as of yet. As for the sex part, I am sure alot out there disagree with me, but my rule that will not change is no sex until the honeymoon. I have seen to many couples break up, because their relationship was based on sex not on a stronger foundation of friendship and trust.
LOL - I laughed so hard when I read the part of your post about blowing up the bridge when you told a guy how you felt! So funny...they just can't take it sometimes you know?
This reminds me that my old false belief of guys having all the power is NOT TRUE!
After the last time I got dumped I began to think that way but no more. Now I see if I feel something for someone and express it and they don't respond, it's ok. I never want to feel the devastation I did this last time around. Thank God we learn.
I swear, within a few weeks, I knew my girlfriend was "the one". That's the first time I ever felt that way about someone so quickly and I'm not embarrassed to admit it.. she's simply a great person and only the second woman I have loved in my life. Of course, I didn't tell her this because it was too soon to tell her that.. until she told me that I was "the one" recently, then I spilled my guts.
So here's the deal.. we (and I think you as well) are in standby mode. We are not ready to land the plane yet on marriage ground because, although we are happy to know we found each other, let's face it.. we are on month 3 now. I cherish her and treat her well, but the fact is, I can't move to engagement phase until we have met each others families and everyone approves and we both still love each other after some ugliness shows up in life, sooner or later.. all of which will take probably another 9-12 months, I guess.
That's the difference between guys and girls I think. Guys think and plan in timeframes.. girls think and plan by emotions. I need at least 9 months before I ask her to marry me, at minimum!!
My suggestion is to simply spend time together.. let the life stuff come up.. like arguments and paying the bills, etc.. Use this time to dig beyond the fluff we have enjoyed for the first 2 months to get down to life issues.
That's what I'm doing.... my gf and I have been in a few arguments (thankfully) and I can see we really know how to handle them, move on from them maturely.
Whichever it is, I think you are right to move slowly and be cautious. And of course maintaining your virginity until the wedding night is your personal choice, and something that your man should honor and respect.
Just continue taking your time and enjoy the progression of the relationship. If he is the one pulling back, that's even more reason to keep your distance, as well. Make sure you continue doing your own thing... with friends and family, and even dating other men, if you want.
As for your question about "dating." Dating is when you are going out together -- to dinner, to movies, to concerts, picnics in the park, etc -- you're talking on the phone regularly (usually a couple of times a week), and generally getting to know each other. Once you've been out a few times... maybe 3 - 5 dates... it is customary to move to a little affection (kissing, hugging, hand-holding), but it's all up to the individuals. I have kissed and held hands on a FIRST date and felt perfectly comfortable doing so.
After dating comes dating exclusively, serious commitment (boyfriend/girlfriend), engagement and marriage. Somewhere in there (if you choose) the couple also becomes sexually exclusive. Of course there's no rule book to say how long any one stage should last. Do what feels "right" to you, and don't allow anyone to push you into something before you're ready.
Guys often are quicker. Partly because they are more impulsive and partly because they want to "succeed". It's a more benign version of "scoring", you might say. Partly an ego thing. Get the girl and all that. Then, when it becomes clear that they are "succeeding", they get nervous about getting trapped. They may not really want in all that deep at all.
That's one reason why sleeping with a guy too soon often leads to him disappearing. But it applies to other situations that may not involve sex at all.
The best thing to do when that happens is to let them pull back, until they actually get comfortable with the situation again.
Here are the six stages of a relationship: I hope this helps...