Heartbroken and confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Heartbroken and confused...
3
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 9:22am
Hey everyone, I'm new to this but I'm hoping someone can help me. Sorry so long. My ex and I have been together on and off for almost three years. The last year, I lived with him and his family, his family adores me. He broke up with me 4months ago over a stupid fight. But he would call me every night, drunk, to tell me he still loves me and like a fool I believed him. We were still "seeing" each other thru all this, until I heard he was messing around with other women at the same time. When I confronted him, he denied everything, saying he hasn't been with anyone since me and even if he were, that wouldn't be cheating since we were not together. I decided not to see him anymore (because I didn't believe him) and avoided his phonecalls. I went on vacation and started dating other men to get my mind off him. The truth is I never loved anyone the way I love him. When we were together, I was the happiest, everyone saw that. We would talk about our future, our kids, growing old together, its not easy to let go off something like that. What I feel for my ex is so much deeper and it is unconditional because I still love him and I don't think that will ever go away. He has been calling me and saying that he thinks he made the biggest mistake breaking up with me and he doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone else but me and that he's scared of loosing me because I am his life or atleast a BIG part if it. I would love to believe him, but I know for a fact he's been with other women, and he lies so much that he believes his own lies. It kills me to know that he broke up with me over a stupid reason and even then I was faithful while he went out and met other women. I'm trying to move on and trying to focus more on my career, but he won't stop calling me. I have told him that I don't ever see us together again because I don't believe anything he says anymore, but I still love him and because of that I CAN'T be friends with him. He won't accept that and say's he'll keep calling me. I'm not sure what he wants..I think he wants his cake and eat it too. I'm better than that. I changed my number already, but he found it and continues to call me. I can't avoid his calls forever. He won't let me move on, not that I want to but it's harder when he calls and leaves messages that I want to hear. What should I do? Any advice would be helpful. I should mention that he's in the military and he was overseas for a long time in which I waited faithfully for him. He saw things there that disturbed him greatly and he would have nightmares about it when he came home.After coming home, he discovered his father left with another woman and that hurt him as well. I tried to be his comforter thru all this, but that just hurt me more in the process. Please give me advice.....
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-31-2004 - 1:07pm

Change your number again to an unlisted number and don't give it out except to people you can trust not to pass it on to him.


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Sat, 04-03-2004 - 2:56am
My opinion is that if he did it once he'll do it again,don't take him back there are plenty of other men out there. That will treat you with the respect you deserve. If he was so upset that his father took off with another woman than why would he do this to you?

The way I look at things is do on to others as you want done to you. With him seeing what his father did and you saying this made him upset,really he couln't have been to upset. I think you should just cut all ties with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 1:30pm
Thank you guys for responding and you guys are right. I changed my number for the third time and it is unlisted and he has no access to it. I haven't heard from him in 6days and still counting. I'm good friends with his aunt and I didn't even give her my new number..all I told her is if she needs to contact me she can do it thru e-mail and she hasn't asked me any questions about it. The problem now is moving on. Not a day goes by without him on my mind. I'm still shocked that he would do this to me, to us. Oh well, life goes on I guess. But thank you Both for your advices...